It still amazes me how I can go from a wonderfully happy, gratitude-filled day to one completely in the dumps. And then back again a day later. Thursday, our anniversary, was a very good day. San Geraldo and I had a pleasant breakfast and visited with acquaintances at Emperador Trajano. I went to the gym. I studied Spanish at home. I met friends for a drink. We Skyped with Linda. We received a warm and touching email from The Dowager Duchess telling us she was thinking about how long San Geraldo and I have been together, and how lucky she feels to have two such wonderful “vagabond” sons that enabled her to see parts of the country she otherwise wouldn’t have. San Geraldo and I then went out for a quiet and delicious anniversary dinner at Duo Tapas.
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| AH, TO BE ABLE TO CHILL LIKE DUDO. (ANOTHER MUTILATED [FAKE] MOUSE AT HIS FEET.) |
I went to bed content and ready for a good night’s sleep. When I woke up Friday morning, it was from a dream that felt like it went on for hours but probably lasted two minutes. I tend to get bored when people relate their dreams to me. So, I won’t bore you with the details of mine. It clearly related to my last employers (who sucked) and it ended with my saying, “I’m just a waste of space.” Then I woke up.
No need to analyze; it was all pretty obvious (and maybe it was caused by the Ibuprofen I took before I went to bed). Whatever the reason, I woke up feeling exactly like said waste of space and the feeling remained for most of the day. San Geraldo lived up to his saintly designation. But, despite his best efforts (and mine), I finally had a full-out panic attack in the afternoon. I took a pill. I went to bed for a while. The evening was subdued and by nightfall I was back to happy. I even cooked a little surprise treat for us both.
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| I SERVED THIS LITTLE HOME-COOKED SNACK AS A SURPRISE FOR SAN GERALDO. (HE WAS UNDERSTANDABLY IMPRESSED.) |
Saturday morning, all was well in my little world once again. I bought shelf organizers for the pantry and I organized. No wasted space here!
I want to say all the "right" things… but, don't know what they are. I can only say that I'm glad that your world is right again….. it's funny how much I care about some of my fellow bloggers…. feels like family…. Maybe we should all take lessons from Dudo….
The Odd Essay:
You DID say all the right things! Never worry. And, yes, I wish I could take lessons from Dudo.
You and I "cook" almost exactly in the same manner. And I, too, have those days. Winston Churchill called them his "black dogs" and I've stolen that line because my depressions feel just like black dogs. Hope you are still doing splendidly. Happy Anniversary.
Maria:
I've read about your black dogs. Too bad they're not black cats. We had two of those and they were sweet and happy (well, come to think of it… one was a bit neurotic himself)!
If you'd like my recipe for those nectarines, just let me know. (But you have to be willing to use a knife.)
At least you didn't stub your toe.
saludos,
raulito
Raulito:
LOL! I almost included photos of all the bruises, scrapes, and cuts on my legs from walking into things. But my toes are OK!
this i understand all to well…panic attacks, mood changes….I'm finding if I catch it early enough I can usually turn it around with yoga…Glad you got back to happy so fast my friend 🙂
Monkey Man:
If you don't like my mood, just wait a few minutes! (Really not as bad as all that.) Thanks!
Your culinary skills cease to amaze! lol
Those damn bad employers! I was bullied to leave a position and was glad I did but the repercussions of that experience lasted for years.
Have had a few panic attacks and know how terrible they feel….the good thing is that we know they don't last forever.
Good to have you back and you know what you did in your pantry was precisely what our grandparents did to 'keep going'…..they stayed busy! and organized the hell out of everything! lol
Jim:
Was that a Freudian slip or did you really mean to say my "culinary skills cease to amaze" as opposed to NEVER cease to amaze? That was one of my sister's most-often skewered expressions. Thanks for making me think of her with a smile!
Jerry is baking peach cobbler right now. (I think he just doesn't like when I one-up him in the kitchen!) Cleaning up after him will give me something to organize this afternoon.
Skewered it was! lol! But truly your 'kitchen skills' are underwhelming…..just sayin'. Can't be great in everything you do, right?
Jim:
You are so right. And it IS my one and only weak spot after all!
It's impossible to know you're happy if you're happy all the time. Sometimes a bit of bumpy sailing makes the rest of the ocean seem smoother. Gosh, that last one sounded like it came out of a fortune cookie.
Stephen:
The first one was a great fortune cookie "fortune," too. I love it!
Yes keeping busy was the answer…I used to watch my Mom and Grandma doing anything and everything not realizing the pain they were going through for there lot in life. Such is what gets passed on…so I sleep and awake refreshed and will continue to do this…until….I love fresh fruit….pour moi?
Ron:
If you and Jim come to Sevilla, I'll cook up a bowl of nectarines for you!
The most interesting people ride roller-coasters. My what-am-I-doing-down-here to yee-hah-Ma-look-at-that-view cycle ranges from a few minutes to a few months, with depth-changes to rival Mount Everest. The speed controls are set on "random". If it weren't for my multiple personalities all supporting one-another I'd be done for!
Cats and dogs can teach we humans a lot about how to just unhinge the brain and just "be" sometimes. Find a patch of shade and lie down until the world spins to a new place, then get up and have a look around to see if you want to keep it or lie down again.
Cheers Musky!
The Owl Wood:
It's clear to me you understand this. And your second paragraph is perfect. I'm going to put that on a "stickie."
I thought you said you couldn't cook? I'm sorry you had a bad day, but thankful that the sun has come out again. As The Odd Essay said – some bloggers we care about, as though they are family.xx
Elaine:
Well, obviously from my brilliant success with the nectarine (Jerry would have served an entire one for each of us), I CAN cook. I just don't like to! (Truth is… that IS the truth. I am not incapable in the kitchen, I just don't enjoy it.)
Hello Mitch:
We are indeed sorry to learn that the day after your anniversary you felt well below par but by the evening you had recovered your normal spirits which went as far as going into the kitchen!! Now that is something we should draw the line at!!
Jane and Lance:
Thanks for the moral support. I promise I left the kitchen very quickly and will only enter to do clean-up in the future.
It was a pleasure to read about your happy anniversary day, but sad to read about the next. I know someone who has those panic attacks and they are not good at all…..May yours just fly away somewhere and never return. What the odd essay said is so true. The blogs we stay with and read are so because the people who write them have become real and their readers care about them. We all feel connected.
I loved hearing about your mother's email!
Kristi:
Panic attacks are a rarity for me, but depression isn't. But, most days are great and blogging and the kindness of fellow bloggers sure makes a huge difference. My mother's email was a real keeper!
panic attack? No fun in that !
Spo:
Sure isn't. Fortunately, it's rare for me. I'm more the depressive type!
A waste of space just needed a little break.
I get that!
Bob:
The last job took a while to recover from. And I'm a lightweight when it comes to meds. Aspirin gives me nightmares. All's well today!
Hey Mitch, I'm really sorry that you suffer panic attacks. My partner has an anxiety disorder and we live with the ups and downs all the time. I'm glad you're able to rise above it. A lovely man like you should not have to put up with that crap!
Ms. Sparrow:
You are a sweetheart. Thanks so much. I do mostly just fine, but I have my moments. I really appreciate the kindness and understanding. And, as Scarlett said, tomorrow is another day!
I hate days like that. Amazing how dreams can affect your whole day, isn't it?
Jenners:
It sure is. I would love to have a machine I could set before I go to bed that would allow me to choose the dream I'll have that night!
I am impressed with your cooking skills. Are we ever going to Skype? Email me.
Nubian:
It was one of the most delicious nectarines either of us has ever had. But I had nothing to do with that!