La versión español está después de la versión inglés.
THE KID BROTHER (aka Da Kid Bruddah) celebrates another birthday today. He’s 60 years old! But he’ll always be The Kid Brother. I phoned him last night. Because he works today. And also because Tuesday night is our night to talk. But he wouldn’t accept my “happy birthday,” because: “That’s not until tomorrow, wise guy!” So I have to phone him again today (“at the same time, buddy boy”) and I plan to sing to him, which will really annoy him.
I asked him last week if he still needed a bathrobe. “I already bought one! Remember?” [Oh, yes, the one I bought him in September.] So, I asked if he still needed a new winter coat (yes) and should I just pick something out and have it delivered. He was elated. I asked what colors he preferred. He told me he trusted me. So, I said I’d get one with orange and yellow stripes and a huge red rose on the back. He still said he trusted me. It was tempting. But I found one in shades of green with a subtle camouflage pattern. Not my taste, but I know he likes that. It’s got a built-in hood and it’s water-proof. I received email confirmation that was delivered Thursday.
He told me last night he didn’t get any mail. I asked, “When?”
“What do you mean ‘when?’ There’s no mail in the box.”
“But your birthday present arrived, didn’t it? The new jacket?”
“Yeah. I got it.” [You’re welcome.]
“So, what mail?” [Ohhhhhh… I didn’t send a separate card because I included a gift card with the jacket.] “Oh, Chuck, I didn’t send a card this year. It was with the gift.”
“No card?!?”
“Did you see the one with the jacket?”
“I saw it.” [Obviously, that wasn’t what he was hoping for.]
“I’ll find a belated card and I’ll send it soon.” [As far as family goes, I’m really all he’s got, although our extended family is large.]
“That’s more like it.”
“So, do you like the new jacket?”
“Yeah.”
“Does it fit?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you worn it yet?”
“Yeah.”
[Again, you’re welcome.] And to think I get to do this all over again tonight.
.
EL HERMANITO CELEBRA hoy otro cumpleaños. ¡Tiene 60 años! Pero él siempre será El Hermanito. Lo llamé anoche. Porque él trabaja hoy. Y también porque el martes por la noche es nuestra noche para hablar. Pero él no aceptaba mi “feliz cumpleaños” porque: “¡Eso no es hasta mañana, sabio!” Así que tengo que llamarlo otra vez hoy (“al mismo tiempo, amigo”) y planeo cantar para él, lo que realmente lo molestará.
Le pregunté la semana pasada si todavía necesitaba una bata de baño. “¡Ya compré uno! ¿Recuerdas?” [Oh, sí, el que le compré en septiembre.] Entonces, le pregunté si todavía necesitaba un abrigo de invierno nuevo (sí) y si debería elegir algo y que me lo entregaran. Estaba eufórico. Le pregunté qué colores prefería. Me dijo que confiaba en mí. Entonces, dije que obtendría uno con rayas naranjas y amarillas y una enorme rosa roja en la parte posterior. Todavía dijo que confiaba en mí. Fue tentador. Pero encontré uno en tonos de verde con un sutil patrón de camuflaje. No es de mi gusto, pero sé que a él le gusta eso. Tiene una capucha incorporada y es a prueba de agua. Ya fue entregado el jueves.
Me dijo anoche que no recibió ningún correo. Le pregunté: “¿Cuándo?”
“¿Qué quieres decir con “cuándo”? No hay correo en el buzon.”
“Pero llegó tu regalo de cumpleaños, ¿no? ¿La nueva chaqueta?”
“Lo tengo.” [De nada.]
“Entonces, ¿qué correo?” [Ohhhhhh … No envié una tarjeta por separado porque incluí una tarjeta de regalo con la chaqueta.]” Oh, Chuck, no lo hice. No envíe una tarjeta este año. Fue con el regalo.”
“¿Sin tarjeta?!?”
“¿Viste el que tiene la chaqueta?”
“Lo vi.” [Obviamente, eso no era lo que esperaba.]
“Lo encontraré una tarjeta tardía y la enviaré pronto.” [En lo que respecta a la familia, realmente soy todo lo que tiene, aunque nuestra familia extendida es numerosa.]
“Eso es más como eso.”
“Entonces, ¿te gusta la nueva chaqueta? ”
“Sí.”
“¿Te queda bien?”
“Sí.”
“¿Ya te lo has puesto?”
“Sí.”
[De nuevo, de nada.] Y pensar que puedo hacer esto de nuevo esta noche.
He’s welcome. / De nada. 
The Kings of Comedy, 1969. / Los Reyes de la Comédia, 1969.
.
I was going to ask if you were from Brooklyn, based on that headline — but then I saw your bio. Tell your kid bruddah happy boitday from me as well!
Steve,
I’ll tell him next week. Thanks. Despite his demand I call him again on his actual day, he gave us shit for singing to him. The ingrate! My brother sounds like a character from The Bowery Boys… or Ralph Cramden himself sometimes. I can turn it on when I want.
an da boids on toity-toid street sing to chuck! “gas on! gas off”” a great sketch.
Anne Marie,
Another one of my brother’s favorite sketches. “He’s got a millIon of ‘em!” You should heayah da boids on east toid and toidy toid!
Happy Birthday to your sweet brother, he is a gem. Nice coat.
David,
Thanks. I thought it was a nice coat, too. I really have no clue hat he thinks, although if he hated it he would have told me. Yeah, he’s a gem alright!
I hope he has a great birthday and stays warm in his new coat!
Debra,
Unfortunately, he’s moodier than I am! But I try. And he knows i love him.
Aren’t families fun? Not sure what we’d do without them, frankly. Always good for at least one blog post, so there’s that. You’re a great big bruddah, keep it up.
MEBE,
Truth is, not many members of my extended family give me warm fuzzies. And, although my brother can drive me crazy, he DOES.
MEBE:
SOME family members are fun. The Kid Brother can drive me crazy, but he’s one family member I wouldn’t trade.
What? No Card?
Frank,
As Chuck would say: Aright aready! I’ll send a card! Sheesh!
Frank:
Oh, god, the pressure! I still haven’t gotten him one! It’s not enough that I send him a postcard every week!
Here’s to you, Kid …. Bruddah!
Bob,
I’ll tell him next week … I need time to recover from talking to myself (and getting sniped at) two days in a row. What a gem!
Bob:
Thanks! He doesn’t drink, so I’ll have two… make that three… four.
Happy Birthday to the Kid Brother!!
He’s precious and knows it!!
Jim,
I’ll tell him next time that he’s precious. He’ll say, “Now cut that out, wise guy!”
Happy birthday to the kid brother. I always look forward to your anecdotes involving him.
Kirk,
Being able to share our conversations keeps me sane… well slightly sane.
60, huh? He doesn’t look a day over 59 🙂 You are a terrific big brother, Scoot.
Deedles,
I told him what you said about 59. He said, “I know that.”
So funny. You both need each other, thank goodness you have each other.
Cheapchick,
It’s not easy but it is rewarding. I love the “wise guy.”
Happiest of happy birthdays to the Kid Brother! Your posts about him are among my favorites. If I had his address, I’d send him a birthday card. Please pass along my very best wishes!
Jennifer,
You’re very kind. I’ll pass along your good wishes. Last night’s call was typical… exhausting and a bit comical. And EXHAUSTING.