A Colon Is Better Than A Semi-Colon

Due to my family history with cancer, specifically my father’s experience with colon cancer, I have a colonoscopy every five years. As many of you well know, the procedure itself can pass with hardly a blink.

The at-home preparation, unfortunately, is not much fun.

So, I’m having my first colonoscopia (Spanish colonoscopy) Friday morning. I’ve been stressing about it for days. The preparation this time is different from my past experiences. It actually sounds like it will be less unpleasant and I therefore haven’t really understood why I’ve been so nervous.

NO PUEDE TOMAR,” AT RIGHT, IS WHAT I CAN’T HAVE.
FIFTH LINE DOWN… CHOCOLATE!!!

I’ve been provided with preparation instructions. There’s a limited diet for today, Wednesday, two days before the procedure; a liquid diet Thursday; and then a prescription called CitraFleet (yeah, guess what that’s for) to be taken Thursday night and again Friday morning five hours before the procedure.

CHEESE, BREAD, LOW-FAT YOGURT.
CHICKEN BREAST,  BREAD, AND GOOD COFFEE AT EL JAZZY.

Today I can have low-fat milk, low-fat yogurt, a little butter, fresh or hard cheese, white bread or toast, cookies (but not whole-grain), chicken or fish broths, rice and pasta (not whole grain), grilled white meat, grilled or boiled white fish, strained juices, infusions, teas, coffee, and non-carbonated beverages.

As I read the instructions for the sixth time, it dawned on me why I’ve been so stressed.

For me, this is like [fricking] cooking. And we all know how much I love [fricking] cooking.

Worst of all, I can’t have chocolate until Friday afternoon. Can you imagine? More than two entire days without chocolate! Our friends Ray and Jean just arrived with four bags of truffles for us. Thank god I consumed one entire bag of Rum Truffles yesterday before all this “cooking” started.

SAN GERALDO HAD ONE. I HAD THE REST.
I MIGHT HIDE THESE UNTIL FRIDAY AFTERNOON. MINE. MINE. MINE.

But, wait! I lied. The chocolate isn’t even the worst of it. San Geraldo is baking another several loaves of Jamaican Black Cake (click here) and I can’t have any of that until Friday afternoon either. Meanwhile, he just finished pureeing all the ingredients and has a contact high from the alcohol fumes.

All joking and whining aside, I’m grateful this procedure is available. It’s considered one of the most effective cancer screening and prevention exams. It may even already have saved my life.

So, I can live without Jamaican black cake — and even chocolate — for a couple of days.

Author: Moving with Mitchell

From Brooklyn, New York; to North Massapequa; back to Brooklyn; Brockport, New York; back to Brooklyn... To Boston, Massachusetts, where I met Jerry... To Marina del Rey, California; Washington, DC; New Haven and Guilford, Connecticut; San Diego, San Francisco, Palm Springs, and Santa Barbara, California; Las Vegas, Nevada; Irvine, California; Sevilla, Spain. And Fuengirola, Málaga..

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