Vanessa is one of the wonderful women we get to see almost every morning when we go downstairs to El Sanedrín for breakfast. When we met, she told us she spoke no English other than a few catch phrases. It turns out she didn’t appreciate how much she really remembered from her school days. Every day, she practices her English with us and, in turn, helps us improve our Spanish. Like our journey with Spanish, it’s not all smooth sailing for Vanessa. She can especially get stuck on some of the consonant combinations.
|VANESSA. ALWAYS THE BEST WAY TO START A DAY.|
Yesterday morning, after delivering our tostadas and cafés con leche, Vanessa wished us “buen provecho” (remember that one?), only she said it in English. Or, well, she tried to say it in English. What came out was, “Have a good breaksfuck.”
While We’re On The Subject
That reminds me of a story my father used to like to tell.
A woman walks into a café, sits down at the counter and says, “Hi. I’ll have a cup of coffee and a sweet roll.”
Sorry, ma’am,” replies the owner. “We’re all out of sweet rolls.”
“OK,” she says, “I’ll have a cup of tea and a sweet roll.”
He stares at her a moment and says, “We don’t have any sweet rolls.”
“Oh, then I guess I’ll have some orange juice and a sweet roll,” she replies.
In frustration, he asks, “Lady, what do you get when you take the ‘S-C’ out of SCRAP?”
She thinks for a moment, smiles, and says, “You get RAP.”
“And what do you get when you take the ‘S-T’ out of STINK?”
“You get INK.”
“That’s right,” he smiles.
“Now, what do you get when you take the “F-U-C-K” out of SWEET ROLLS?”
“There’s no ‘F-U-C-K’ in sweet rolls,” she responds.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Lady! THERE’S NO FUCKIN’ SWEET ROLLS!!!”
|WHENEVER I SWORE, MY FATHER WOULD DEMAND:
“DO YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH?!?”
I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM THE SAME QUESTION.