No Sweet Rolls

Vanessa is one of the wonderful women we get to see almost every morning when we go downstairs to El Sanedrín for breakfast. When we met, she told us she spoke no English other than a few catch phrases. It turns out she didn’t appreciate how much she really remembered from her school days. Every day, she practices her English with us and, in turn, helps us improve our Spanish. Like our journey with Spanish, it’s not all smooth sailing for Vanessa. She can especially get stuck on some of the consonant combinations.

VANESSA.  ALWAYS THE BEST WAY TO START A DAY.

Yesterday morning, after delivering our tostadas and cafés con leche, Vanessa wished us “buen provecho” (remember that one?), only she said it in English. Or, well, she tried to say it in English. What came out was, “Have a good breaksfuck.”

While We’re On The Subject
That reminds me of a story my father used to like to tell.

A woman walks into a café, sits down at the counter and says, “Hi. I’ll have a cup of coffee and a sweet roll.” 

Sorry, ma’am,” replies the owner. “We’re all out of sweet rolls.”

“OK,” she says, “I’ll have a cup of tea and a sweet roll.”

He stares at her a moment and says, “We don’t have any sweet rolls.”

“Oh, then I guess I’ll have some orange juice and a sweet roll,” she replies.

In frustration, he asks, “Lady, what do you get when you take the ‘S-C’ out of SCRAP?”

She thinks for a moment, smiles, and says, “You get RAP.”

“And what do you get when you take the ‘S-T’ out of STINK?”

“You get INK.”

“That’s right,” he smiles.

“Now, what do you get when you take the “F-U-C-K” out of SWEET ROLLS?”

“There’s no ‘F-U-C-K’ in sweet rolls,” she responds.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Lady! THERE’S NO FUCKIN’ SWEET ROLLS!!!”

WHENEVER I SWORE, MY FATHER WOULD DEMAND:
“DO YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH?!?”
I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM THE SAME QUESTION.

Author: Moving with Mitchell

From Brooklyn, New York; to North Massapequa; back to Brooklyn; Brockport, New York; back to Brooklyn... To Boston, Massachusetts, where I met Jerry... To Marina del Rey, California; Washington, DC; New Haven and Guilford, Connecticut; San Diego, San Francisco, Palm Springs, and Santa Barbara, California; Las Vegas, Nevada; Irvine, California; Sevilla, Spain. And Fuengirola, Málaga..

32 thoughts on “No Sweet Rolls”

  1. Vanessa. A VERY nice way to start the day!

    Our waitress has gravy stains down her apron and a cigarettte hanging out the corner of her mouth every morning.

  2. I remember when I was in Rome during my Junior Year many centuries ago. The cafeteria ladies wore uniforms at work but would change into "street" clothes at days end. They would always look fabulous, especially Vita, who looked like she was going to the opera every evening. She reminded me of Sophia Loren. European women are so classy!

  3. I enjoy reading about how much you're enjoying your life. The then and the now, the lessons and the little things.
    Thank you for this blog.

  4. Well a nice breaksfuck would be a good way to start the day!

    I'm guseeing she got a good laugh when she learned what she said, she looks like she is not too shy.

  5. Your Vanessa looks like a really sweet gal and lots of fun. How nice that you get to see her every morning! I love the picture of your folks smooching!

  6. lol @ your joke

    I've heard it the same way only it was vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream and the punch line was "There is no F-U-C-K in strawberries!"

    I agree, Vanessa would definitely be a good way to start the day and what a wonderful smile.

    1. Owl Wood:
      That's easy… coffee roll, hot cross bun, cinnamon bun, cinnamon roll, caramel bun, honey bun, sticky bun, danish pastry… I guess if it's sweet and it's a roll, it qualifies.

  7. Too funny Mitch…I must find a time and place to use this…and for Vanessa…..imagine having her cheering up your morning, every morning….very nice! Love the breakfast translation….so funny!

  8. Loved this post! Hahahaha! My hubby brings me breaksfuck in bed every morning. Wait, that came out wrong. 😉

    Vanessa looks like a ton of fun, and I love the photo of your 'rents.

    I would love to learn Spanish. I can speak French, so I do manage to understand some written Spanish when we''re on holiday in Spanish-speaking countries, but it would be great to be able to speak it. I need to take some courses!

    1. Knatolee:
      Did it REALLY come out wrong?

      Vanessa is another wonderful person we've been so lucky to get to know here.

      That was an unusual public display of affection for my mother. My father's retirement party.

      I love the Spanish language!

    1. Michelle:
      This going out to breakfast every morning is a new (since Spain) luxury for us. And most mornings throughout the year, we can sit outside. So nice. We start our days with a number of wonderful people. Very lucky.

    1. Stephen:
      San Geraldo would definitely agree with you about the sweet rolls (Cinnabons are his weakness… well, ONE of his weaknesses).

      As for Vanessa, she doesn't like clouds. But we didn't see any when she's around.

Share your thoughts and experiences. It's always nice to know I'm not alone.