Blow, Don’t Suck. And Don’t Bite. / Sopla, No Chupes. Y No Muerdas.

La versión español está después de la versión inglés.

SAN GERALDO HAD a dentist’s appointment Friday. On the drive there, as if he weren’t stressed enough (although he loves this particular dentist he hates dentists in general), he was stopped by the police at a sobriety checkpoint. The police were polite and respectful and San Geraldo cooperated fully. Well, he TRIED to cooperate fully.

One officer gave him the one-use-only plastic mouthpiece and had him place it in the receptacle in the machine. The officer monitoring the machine kept saying (in Spanish). “More. More. More.”

Finally, San Geraldo stopped, laughed, and said in English, “You’re killing me!”

That’s when the other officer watched him and said in English, “Outside.”

When San Geraldo looked perplexed, he repeated with the addition of hand movements that were of no help, “Outside.”

‘I’m already outside,’ thought San Geraldo.

Then, more hand movements. “This way. Not this way.” said the cop.

“Oh! I’m supposed to BLOW!!!”

The cops were still laughing when he drove away.

WHEN HE ARRIVED A bit late at the dentist’s office, San Geraldo was wired.

“What are you going to do to me today?!?” he roared.

The dentist patted his cheek lovingly and said, “Nothing. I’m just looking.”

“Well,” he told her, “if you do anything else, I’m going to bite your finger off!”


SAN GERALDO HABÍA una cita con el dentista el viernes. En el camino, como si no estuviera lo suficientemente estresado (aunque ama a este dentista en particular, odia a los dentistas en general), la policía lo detuvo en un punto de control de sobriedad. La policía fue amable y respetuosa y San Geraldo cooperó plenamente. Bueno, él TRATÓ de cooperar plenamente.

Una policía le dio la boquilla de plástico y le hizo colocarla en el receptáculo de la máquina. El policía que monitoreaba la máquina seguía diciendo (en español).“Más. Más. Más.”

Finalmente, San Geraldo se detuvo, se rió y dijo en inglés: “¡Me estás matando!”.

Fue entonces cuando el otro policía lo miró y dijo en inglés: “Afuera”.

Cuando San Geraldo parecía perplejo, repitió con además de movimientos de manos que no sirvieron de nada, “Afuera”.

‘Ya estoy afuera’, pensó San Geraldo.

Luego, más movimientos de manos. “De esta manera. No de esta manera”, dijo el policía.

“¡Oh! ¡Se supone que debo SOPLAR!”

Los policías seguían riendo cuando él se fue en el coche.

CUANDO LLEGÓ UN POCO tarde a la oficina del dentista, San Geraldo estaba casi histérico.

“¿¡¿Qué me vas a hacer hoy?!?”, rugió.

La dentista le acarició la mejilla y dijo: “Nada. Solo estoy mirando.”

“Bueno”, dijo él, “si haces algo más, ¡voy a morderte el dedo!”

He took a souvenir from the police.
He did not take a souvenir from the dentist.

Tomó un recuerdo de la policía.
Él no tomó un recuerdo de la dentista.

Author: Moving with Mitchell

From Brooklyn, New York; to North Massapequa; back to Brooklyn; Brockport, New York; back to Brooklyn... To Boston, Massachusetts, where I met Jerry... To Marina del Rey, California; Washington, DC; New Haven and Guilford, Connecticut; San Diego, San Francisco, Palm Springs, and Santa Barbara, California; Las Vegas, Nevada; Irvine, California; Sevilla, Spain. And Fuengirola, Málaga..

16 thoughts on “Blow, Don’t Suck. And Don’t Bite. / Sopla, No Chupes. Y No Muerdas.”

  1. SG stories always make my depression days less, well, depressing. This was truly today. Thanks guys 🙂

  2. I take it that was San Geraldo’s first breathalyzer! I had a very serious professor in university whose favourite saying was (for whatever reason) “you can’t suck and blow at the same time.” He always said it with a straight face and we were never sure if he understood the double entendre.

    1. Debra:
      Yep, first breathalyzer. And he was sober! I remember a Playboy magazine cartoon of a hotel hallway and someone saying from inside a room “Marcia, blow is just an expression!”

  3. Hilarious!
    You both would make a great sitcom!!….SG just being himself and your reactions!

  4. Easy mistake to make, right, or your other right, blow or blow the other way. Someday soon you can be the designated driver.

    1. Urspo:
      We were both laughing out loud when Jerry told me what happened.

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