La versión en español está después de la versión en inglés.
Many of you may remember that back in 2001, San Geraldo and I opened the first hotel especially created for LGBTQ+ families with children and extended family and friends looking for a safe, welcoming, inclusive vacation. It was in Palm Springs, California, and was briefly, moderately successful. Then we learned that many (not all) gay men preferred a resort for them and their kids that was exclusively gay dads (and guaranteed their presence, to boot). Women loved it (and the expected diversity) but many didn’t have the same disposable income as men. Although one frequent guest was the daughter of a billionaire who would leave dirty diapers on the floor because she knew someone else would pick up after her. We were grateful to have a number of return guests who became like family. However, not long after we opened and were trying to find our way, along came September 11, 2001 which changed the world and immediately killed tourism. We eventually went broke and were fortunate to land on our feet in Santa Barbara, thanks to San Geraldo being in demand professionally. I eventually found my way again.
But the point of this post is not to tell you about any of that really. I’ve recently stumbled across videos of husbands and wives deciding to share household chores. I hate the sexism inherent in the videos; they could just as easily do videos of husbands and husbands or wives and wives, or just roommates. However, it still reminds me of us at the hotel. We split the duties.
I handled marketing and advertising. I handled difficult guests and contractors. I also took responsibility for housekeeping and turning rooms, although we did for a time hire two guys to do the housekeeping for us, since it was difficult for one person to keep up with 7 rooms and 7 suites with separate kitchens, plus all the laundry. San Geraldo handled other business as well as most of the gardening; and we planted a lot of gardens.
One day, we had four rooms to turn around quickly and San Geraldo offered to help. They were four in a row upstairs. I said we should just start at opposite ends and meet in the middle. SG began with a small end room, bedroom and bath. I began with a large middle suite. I kept the phone with me and had to run downstairs to the office several times to take reservations. When I finished the suite, I moved on to the next room, a small room. I assumed (stupid of me) that SG was already in the other suite. I finished my second room and when I opened the door to the suite, it was empty and untouched. Rather than check up on SG, I simply cleaned the suite before moving on. When I entered SG’s first room, the TV was on and the bed hadn’t even been stripped. I looked in the bathroom and found San Geraldo just beginning to clean. I asked, incredulously, “This is as far as you’ve gotten?” He gleefully replied, “I was watching the most fascinating science show about birthing babies!” I handed him the phone and told him to go sit in the office.
So, in today’s video, San Geraldo would be the one still holding the pillow case. You can read an earlier post about Viola’s Resort by clicking here.
Muchos recordarán que en 2001, San Geraldo y yo abrimos el primer hotel creado especialmente para familias LGBTQ+ con niños y familiares y amigos que buscaban unas vacaciones seguras, acogedoras e inclusivas. Estaba en Palm Springs em California y tuvo un éxito moderado durante un breve periodo. Luego nos dimos cuenta de que muchos hombres gay (aunque no todos) preferían un resort para ellos y sus hijos que fuera exclusivamente para padres gay (y que, además, garantizaba su presencia). A las mujeres les encantó (y la diversidad esperada), pero muchas no tenían los mismos ingresos disponibles que los hombres. Aunque una huésped frecuente era la hija de un multimillonario que dejaba los pañales sucios en el suelo porque sabía que alguien más los recogería. Estábamos agradecidos de tener varios huéspedes que regresaban y que se convirtieron en parte de la familia. Sin embargo, poco después de abrir y mientras intentábamos encontrar nuestro camino, llegó el 11 de septiembre de 2001, que cambió el mundo y acabó con el turismo de inmediato. Finalmente, quebramos y tuvimos la suerte de salir adelante en Santa Bárbara, gracias a que San Geraldo tenía mucha demanda profesional. Finalmente, volví a encontrar mi camino.
Pero el objetivo de este post no es contarles nada de eso. Recientemente me he topado con videos de esposos y esposas que deciden compartir las tareas del hogar. Detesto el sexismo inherente en los videos; podrían hacer videos de maridos con maridos o esposas con esposas, o simplemente de compañeros de piso. Sin embargo, me recuerda a nosotros en el hotel. Nos repartíamos las tareas.
Yo me encargaba del marketing y la publicidad. Me ocupaba de los huéspedes y contratistas difíciles. También me responsabilizaba de la limpieza y de preparar las habitaciones, aunque durante un tiempo contratamos a dos personas para que lo hicieran por nosotros, ya que era difícil para una sola persona ocuparse de 7 habitaciones y 7 suites con cocinas independientes, además de toda la lavandería. San Geraldo se encargaba de otros asuntos, así como de la mayor parte de la jardinería; y plantamos muchos jardines.
Un día, teníamos cuatro habitaciones que preparar rápidamente y San Geraldo se ofreció a ayudar. Eran cuatro seguidas en el piso de arriba. Dije que deberíamos empezar por los extremos opuestos y encontrarnos en el medio. SG empezó con una habitación pequeña en un extremo, con dormitorio y baño. Yo empecé con una suite grande en el medio. Llevaba el teléfono conmigo y tenía que bajar corriendo a la oficina varias veces para tomar reservas. Cuando terminé la suite, pasé a la siguiente habitación, una habitación pequeña. Supuse (¡qué ingenua!) que SG ya estaba en la suite con cocina. Terminé mi segunda habitación y cuando abrí la puerta de la suite, estaba vacía e intacta. En lugar de ver cómo estaba SG, simplemente limpié la suite antes de seguir adelante. Cuando entré en la primera habitación de SG, la televisión estaba encendida y la cama ni siquiera estaba deshecha. Miré en el baño y encontré a San Geraldo empezando a limpiar. Pregunté, incrédula: “¿Hasta aquí has llegado?”. Él respondió alegremente: “¡Estaba viendo el programa de ciencia más fascinante sobre el nacimiento de bebés!”. Le di el teléfono y le dije que fuera a sentarse a la oficina.
Así que, en el video de hoy, San Geraldo sería el que todavía sostiene la funda de la almohada. Puedes leer un post anterior sobre Viola’s Resort haciendo clic aquí.
And once again Carlos is SG!!
“I was watching the most fascinating science show about [fill in the blank]!”
And then the video! Oy Funny cuz it’s true!
Bob:
Oh, the science shows that float SG’s boat. He and Carlos would have a ball together.
I LOVED reading about your hotel experience in Palm Springs. I would have loved to stay at your hotel.
Michael:
We would have loved to have had you there!
I’ve wondered for a while about the hotel you’ve mentioned. So funny about SG getting sidetracked! I too lost my petcare business from 9/11, also because people weren’t traveling, and had to start over, alone, in my sixties. I wonder how many other small businesses were collateral damage! I see we both survived and thrived though. Boud
Boud:
It was a labor of love… at first. The market was smaller than we had determined. Men were a disappointment (not all men, obviously, but men in general). And the economy killed us. Ah well. Had we not opened the hotel, we’d be living a luxurious retirement. But, what the hell. We did it.
Fantastic! What a great story!
Rade:
It was nice to think about it again. I’m still proud we did it.
My SweetBear would have stopped to iron the sheets, but his cleaning would be more complete than mine.
David:
My mother ironed the sheets and folded them so you couldn’t tell the fitted from the flat. She taught me, but I can’t be bothered.
Oh, what a story! I hope that made SG’s memoir…
I can’t play the video. It shows up as vast black column on the page, with a message when I click it: “An error occurred. Please try again later. (Playback ID: 2d3-ac08BT4C4QLf)”.
Jx
Jon:
Does this link maybe work? The reel isn’t brilliant but it makes the point. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/F7USrd_c8yU
I’d think you had the lion’s share of the work if I wasn’t a gardener myself. living together and working together is not easy. I know because that’s what we have done, together 24/7. He quit his job to join me in my etched glass art studio to make it a real thing, to help carry the load when I got pregnant. Together we managed to make a living even if only just at times.
ellen abbott:
I make it sound like I had the lion’s share but we were well balanced. SG handled the paperwork, the banking, the business end of things, the shopping, plus a whole lot more. We had been together nearly 20 years when we started the hotel and I think we were both surprised at how well we worked together 24-hours a day. I’ll bet you were, too.
I really enjoyed reading about your hotel in SG’s book and I still think it was a great idea. Timing is everything, I guess and we do not have control over that factor, do we?
I can’t imagine Glen cleaning anything but the kitchen. He just does not. And when he cleans the kitchen it takes him forever. One would think it’s because he’s doing such a superb job.
One would be wrong. I don’t understand it.
Also, please tell Jerry that if he ever wants to discuss birthing babies I’m here for it.
Oh my god, Mary, he would be in heaven. And he would probably have you in stitches. The questions!
Mary Moon:
SG’s room cleaning was comical. That was the first and last time. He does comment on how quickly I can clean up the kitchen. Poor guy has labored away in there when I’ve been ill. When I travel, he washes dishes when he runs out.
Ohhhh, that’s funny funny funny… as is the video …heh heh heh. So important for partners to get the chores they best suited for 🙂
I loved your hotel idea and wish that it had continued to be successful… but, I am always, always impressed by you two and the gusto with which you embrace challenges in life. 🙂
Judy C:
Thanks so much. It was good to reread the old post and think about this again. Although I wish we had the money we lost, I have no [other] regrets. I’m proud of us. And even more proud of how well we did together in close quarters and no independent outlets.
2001 changed so many things. That’s a shame about your hotel, which was a great idea.
I’ve always said dividing duties should be whatever works best for those involved. When my son and his then girlfriend were living in Minneapolis, she went out and earned the paycheck while he did everything else. (cook, shop, clean, laundry) It was a great arrangement for them.
Kelly:
I agree. I admire people who don’t set rules about who does what and simply find ways to balance strengths, weaknesses, interests. You must be so proud of your son.
I either didn’t know this or I had forgotten about it. Thank you for retelling/reminding me.
Urspo:
It’s good for me to think about this every now and again. I’m proud of us.
He might try pulling the pillow out from the other end.
Kirk:
But he was attempting to put the pillow in.
Ha! Dave is about the same with housework, though he wouldn’t even pretend to be doing it. I know I’ve written this before, but I stayed in Palm Springs at the same time you were running Viola’s. I stayed at the Citadel, which was men-only. (And also doesn’t exist anymore.)
Steve:
Yes, you did mention it. Small world. I like to think of us passing on the street or eating in the same restaurants. Did you go to Sherman’s or Blame it on Midnight?