La versión en español está después de la versión en inglés.
I can’t believe I’m sharing today’s story. This is the kind of post one would expect to find on John Gray’s blog, Going Gently. And he can get away with it because he’s a nurse. But San Geraldo is sharing his recent experience with anyone who’ll listen and I find I’ve grown a bit less anal about it.
San Geraldo was scheduled for a colonoscopy last week. It was to be his second in only a year because the preparation didn’t work last time and it took this long to reschedule. His preparation has never been completely successful. He does everything correctly, but it just doesn’t happen the way it’s supposed to. This time, there was some extra preparation and he was confident of success. He shouldn’t have been.
The medicine is supposed to start working within five hours. It took 12 for San Geraldo and then continued for another 36. He canceled that morning and is finally back to what he calls normal. Isn’t this fascinating? No need to thank me.
Anyway, I was in the supermarket picking up some cleaning supplies for Isabel and I discovered shelves with what I think should be enough for SG next time.
The top photo is of a shelf in my office. Accidental, but appropriate.
“I’ve just seen the video of my colonoscopy.
San Geraldo (not really, but it could have been)
The picture was crap.”
.
No puedo creer que esté compartiendo la historia de hoy. Este es el tipo de publicación que uno esperaría encontrar en el blog de John Gray, Going Gently. Pero San Geraldo está compartiendo su experiencia reciente con cualquiera que lo escuche y descubro que me he vuelto un poco menos retentivo anal al respecto.
San Geraldo fue programado para una colonoscopia la semana pasada. Iba a ser el segundo en solo un año porque la preparación no funcionó la última vez y tomó tanto tiempo reprogramarla. Su preparación nunca ha sido completamente exitosa. Él hace todo correctamente, pero simplemente no sucede de la manera en que se supone que debe hacerlo. Esta vez, hubo algo de preparación extra y confiaba en el éxito. No debería haberlo sido.
Se supone que el medicamento comienza a funcionar dentro de las cinco horas. Le tomó 12 a San Geraldo y luego continuó por otros 36. Canceló esa mañana y finalmente volvió a lo que él llama normal. ¿No es esto fascinante? No tienes que agradecerme.
De todos modos, estaba en el supermercado recogiendo algunos artículos de limpieza para Isabel y descubrí estantes con lo que creo que debería ser suficiente para SG la próxima vez.
La foto superior es de un estante en mi oficina. (Un producto como Carbocal con una lata de chocolate tabasco.) Accidental, pero apropiado.
“Acabo de ver el video de mi colonoscopia.
San Geraldo (no realmente, pero pudo haber sido)
La imagen era una mierda.”
• Para San Geraldo sugeriría la fórmula avanzada. No me gusta la idea de lavar mi ropa en el colon de alguien, incluso si huele a sensaciones florales.
• La frase dingle bearsies es un juego de palabras con la frase dingle berries, que lamento mucho decirles que son cagas enredadas. Encontré estos en la tienda IT’SUGAR en Coney Island. Cuando se lo expliqué a El Hermanito, dijo: “¡Eso es repugnante!”
• Me pregunto si es todo natural.
Wrong Choice of Words: One good thing that resulted from San Geraldo’s inability to eat the night before was I got to cook my own dinner. Sandwiches. Peanut butter and plum marmalade on whole wheat bread, topped with Bugles corn chips. Heaven. The Bugles were in the house because SG cooked pulled pork for Luke, Beckett, and family and he thought the kids would like the chips. Unfortunately, Becket was ill that night.
• Una cosa buena que resultó de la preparación de San Geraldo…
Elección Incorrecta de Palabras: Una cosa buena que resultó de la incapacidad de San Geraldo para comer la noche anterior fue que pude cocinar mi propia cena. Sandwiches. Crema de cacahuetes y mermelada de ciruela en pan integral, cubierto con chips de maíz Bugles. Cielo. Los Bugles estaban en la casa porque SG cocinó cerdo desmenuzado para Luke, Beckett, y la familia y pensó que a los niños les gustarían las papas fritas. Desafortunadamente, Becket estaba enfermo esa noche.
I hope things came out well.
Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Mistress Borghese,
Yeah, someone had to go there.
David,
I knew someone would go there.
Other people must also have this problem – we know San Geraldo is special – but this special? Not the kind he wants to be I am sure. Will it take a week of eating anything you please while he starves to get things “done”? Do you have a menu in mind???
Sillygirl,
A common problem in his family. I guess they’re all full of it. My only dream meal includes peanut butter because he hates it.
There are only a few things my husband doesn’t like that I can leave out and he won’t touch – the other things I hide.
sillygirl:
I can’t bring myself to hide anything from SG. But sometimes I wish I had.
I feel badly for SG. All that horrible prep for nothing. And those sandwiches are ALL WRONG in so many ways, but the bugles are just disgusting, in my opinion.
Frank,
I’m not a fan of Bugles. Fritos are my favorite. But SG bought Bugles, so that’s what I had. In Norway they have Bugles (but better) dipped in milk chocolate. They’re called Smash and they’re smashing.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I was worrying when I read “San Geraldo was scheduled for a colonoscopy” already. I feared he was going to leave out a huge burst of gas or something. At least he and Deedles could then send up smoke singals and communicate with each other. LOL. Love the TUMS sitting next to the Tabasco chocolate. YIKES!
And URINE!!!!!!!!!! You mean to tell me I could be making extra money?!?!?!
I also had no idea Bugles were still even around.
Mads, I’ve already been banned in several states by environmental protection agencies. I’m not going to push the international barriers, as much as I love SG.
Deedles,
And I’m sure you’d be violating a nuclear test ban treaty.
Mistress Borghese,
I don’t even like Bugles. Fritos are my favorite, but these were in the house.
I love the idea of Deedles and SG sending smoke signals. But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near either of them in case of explosion.
Making extra money? Honey, you already know all the ways to make extra money. I can’t believe you’ve been giving it away for free.
Nothing is worse than the colonoscopy prep!! Poor SG! Can’t imagine it not working……
Obviously texture and sound are important to you in your ‘meal’ preparations. lol
Jim,
The prep is different here and not as hellish as what we’re used to. Not that it does SG any good. (But he had problems in the States, too.)
When I last had a colonoscopy things moved slowly for me as well. Dave was amazed! But it did work in time for the procedure to go forward, thank goodness. Poor SG!
Those are some truly astonishing products. Someone in the marketing department is smoking too much weed.
Steve,
I also went slower than expected, but still was successful. Poor SG.
Colon is made by a British company. The word is the same in English and Spanish. What were they thinking?
It’sugar has some wild products. And, yes, it’s probably weed.
If memory serves me correctly I was given a drug before the adventure so that I wouldn’t remember the journey ~ lies ~ I remember it like it was yesterday!
Ron,
Do you really remember. I only remember my first time, when I was awake and watched on the monitor. Since then, I’ve always been asleep.
once was enough so far for me ~ I did have a severe case of prostatitis in 2008 ~ which lead me to a specialist who checked my prostate gland through my urethra ~ now that was an exerience!
Should have been smash on top of that bread 😄😄😄😄
Elin,
That would have made it perfect!
I feel bad for SG. My main colonoscopy doctor uses a “never fail” prep. But one time I had a follow-up scope from another doctor (who had performed my colon surgery) and his prep failed despite my following the instructions to the letter. When I woke up from the sedation and learned he didn’t do the scope because of “insufficient cleanse,” I could have strangled him with my bare hands. However, since his previous surgery had saved my life, I cut him some slack. But I did immediately go back to my other doctor and her much better prep.
Well, I guess today was TMI day, LOL!
Debra,
It’s so frustrating for SG because it happens every time. I wish the doctor would have seriously listened and understood how challenging it is for him.
Poor SG! I’ve found that an overindulgence of sugar free gummies is a perfect colon cleanser. You’d also be sitting on a noxious cloud of your own making for awhile.
Scoot, your sammich is disgusting! Everyone knows that a peanut butter and whatever fruit spread should be served on cheap, fluffy, soft white bread! And Bugles, really? Fritos, my man, Fritos!
Deedles,
I love gourmet jelly beans and learned about the effects of binging on sugar-free when my niece bought me a bag, which I inhaled as usual. Wow!
Sorry, no cheap white bread for me. The peanut butter was the natural kind, too, which separates and has to be stirred. Ugh! I love Fritos, which are what I always put on my pb&j but I had to take what San Geraldo bought!
Since it’s TMI Day, I finally cured my gummi candy habit last week. After eating the sour cherries, lemons and oranges, I licked all the alum/sugar from the coke gummies and left them in a dish of really hot water to dissolve for easy clean-up. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “why not just throw them in the garbage”? … I was BORED and CURIOUS, OK? A couple of hours later, I found the gummy cokes had indeed melted, but then reabsorbed the hot water to form a 1 inch thick gelatinous mass not unlike the smelly agar layer in a Petri dish! Goodbye, soft candy, my old friend, for I shall never ever be able to eat you again!
Oh Tundra, if only that would work for me. Instead, I grew my own gelatinous mass (now known as front butt) from eating the things. The sugar free versions give me thrusters so I can get to places faster 🙂 I do love your curious mind.
I was so distracted by Debra’s and Deedles’ comments that I forgot to impart my first colonoscopy experience from last September…. The cleanse went fine, but I was consciously anesthetized during the procedure because I wanted to watch the monitor (i.e. curious biologist that I am). A few minutes in, so to speak, I started giggling and the doctor asked if I was OK. “Yes” I replied, “it just tickles a lot” — to which he responded, “You know, you’re only the second patient I’ve ever had who’s laughed during a colonoscopy!” Then he, I and the nurse all laughed.
Tundra Bunny,
I was awake for my first one and found it fascinating, although tickling didn’t come to mind.
Deedles,
Thrusters? Dear lord. You and SG would truly get along so well.
Tundra Bunny,
This paints such a wonderful picture. Although I think you’re supposed to lick all the cocaine off… or did I misunderstand?
The time I went for the dreaded colonoscopy, it took ages, loads of wiggling the camera around in situ – you can leave the rest to your imagination. At the end of all that, the doctor said to me: “How are you feeling. Are you OK?”
“I’ve been to better parties” was my reply.
Jx
Jon,
I was awake for my first colonoscopy and watched on the monitor, which was fascinating. Since then, I’ve been out under and have no idea what went on. Kind of like some of the parties I’ve been to.
I wonder if the marketing unit of such companies ever think of the name on the label might sound funny to people.
Laurent,
And it’s a British company. It means the same in Spanish, too.
I’m triggered by all this talk about colons, of which I have none.
Sassybear,
I hadn’t thought of that. I guess we should be grateful. I hope you have one again soon… and that Roger settles down until then.
What a mess! And all for nothing.
Wilma,
Exactly. And now he has to figure out what to do next. It took a year to reschedule; the doctor should take his anal-retentiveness (anal-retentivity?) more seriously.
I have never heard of Tabasco Chocolates, must be nice.
Larrymuffin,
I found them in New York. Haven’t tried them myself. Bought them for a friend who loves hot and spicy.
I’m impressed by your restraint. Not a single mention of Uranus.
Walt the Fourth,
That’s because Mianus is in Connecticut.
Maybe San Geraldo should try bran flakes.
Kirk,
He has them every morning. If only things were that easy.
The things you find on store shelves! Oy!
Bob:
And the things you buy…
Mierda ! Mi parábola nueva! Gracias !
Urspo:
Did you mean palabra? Or maybe it IS a parabola. I haven’t studied math in years.