A sweet anniversary / Un dulce aniversario

La versión en español está después de la versión en inglés.

Yesterday, Saturday, was our 44th anniversary. We count from the day we met because we were inseparable from that day forward and didn’t have the legal right to a real marriage at the time. Honestly, a legal marriage wasn’t even something we wanted at the time. We didn’t need, we thought, that kind of traditional, heterosexual validation.

But as the years passed, we began to appreciate how many legal rights were being denied us, like healthcare and retirement benefits, and we changed our attitudes. Whenever we visited San Geraldo’s family in the conservative state of South Dakota, I was painfully aware that if either of us had a medical emergency, the other would be denied access in the hospital. That worry grew in me with each passing year. Truth be told, despite the current laws, we might still be discriminated against in places like South Dakota.

In 2010, when we were applying for retirement visas for Spain and I wasn’t of legal retirement age, we worried that my application might face some challenges since I would have no income in my name for five years. Only six states allowed same-sex marriage in the United States at that time. So we went to Iowa, of all places. We were legally married 21 October 2010. I easily remember the date because 21 October 1964 was the day my family moved from Long Island to Brooklyn.

But all that is beside the point. Yesterday was a day to celebrate. We didn’t have a party. We don’t know anyone locally we’d want to celebrate with. But it was a happy day. We went out for coffee and second breakfast and enjoyed our time together doing our own thing and every so often remembering events from all those anniversaries past.

We spent the afternoon indoors, avoiding the 43˚C/111˚F heat. Around 9:15 p.m., we walked over to Goiko Grill for dinner because the staff there treat us like family. They celebrated with us and even bought us dessert and coffee. A nice way to end the day. Today will climb to 45/113 and the only plan I have is to hang laundry on the roof and maybe have a siesta with San Geraldo this afternoon.

Ayer, sábado, fue nuestro 44º aniversario. Contamos desde el día en que nos conocimos porque fuimos inseparables desde entonces y no teníamos derecho legal a un matrimonio formal en ese momento. Sinceramente, un matrimonio legal ni siquiera era algo que deseábamos en aquel entonces. No necesitábamos, pensábamos, ese tipo de validación heterosexual tradicional.

Pero con el paso de los años, empezamos a apreciar cuántos derechos legales nos negaban, como la atención médica, y cambiamos nuestra actitud. Cada vez que visitábamos a la familia de San Geraldo en el conservador estado de Dakota del Sur, era dolorosamente consciente de que si alguno de los dos tenía una emergencia médica, al otro le negarían el acceso al hospital. Esa preocupación crecía en mí con cada año que pasaba. A decir verdad, a pesar de las leyes actuales, todavía podríamos ser discriminados en lugares como Dakota del Sur.

En 2010, cuando solicitamos visas de jubilación para España y yo no tenía la edad legal de jubilación, nos preocupaba que mi solicitud pudiera enfrentar algunas dificultades, ya que no tendría ingresos durante cinco años. Solo seis estados permitían el matrimonio entre personas del mismo sexo en Estados Unidos en ese momento. Así que fuimos a Iowa, de todos los lugares posibles. Nos casamos legalmente el 21 de octubre de 2010. Recuerdo fácilmente la fecha porque el 21 de octubre de 1964 fue el día en que mi familia se mudó de Long Island a Brooklyn.

Pero todo eso no viene al caso. Ayer fue un día para celebrar. No hicimos una fiesta. No conocemos a nadie local con quien querríamos celebrar. Pero fue un día feliz. Salimos a tomar un café y un segundo desayuno y disfrutamos de nuestro tiempo juntos haciendo nuestras cosas y de vez en cuando recordando eventos de todos esos aniversarios pasados.

Pasamos la tarde en casa, evitando los 43°C/111°F de calor. Sobre las 21:15, fuimos a cenar a Goiko Grill porque el personal nos trata como a familia. Celebraron con nosotros e incluso nos invitaron a postre y café. Una buena manera de terminar el día. Hoy subirá a 45˚C/113°F y mi único plan es tender la ropa en la azotea y quizás echarme una siesta con San Geraldo esta tarde.

• Even if we didn’t spend every moment talking, it was still a romantic morning.
• Aunque no pasamos cada momento hablando, aun así fue una mañana romántica.
• I needed a slice of pastél cordobés with my second cup of coffee.
• Necesitaba una rebanada de pastel cordobés con mi segunda taza de café.

• The sweetness I resisted.
• La dulzura a la que me resistí.

• Our partially devoured Goiko cookie.
• Nuestra Goiko cookie parcialmente devorada.

Author: Moving with Mitchell

From Brooklyn, New York; to North Massapequa; back to Brooklyn; Brockport, New York; back to Brooklyn... To Boston, Massachusetts, where I met Jerry... To Marina del Rey, California; Washington, DC; New Haven and Guilford, Connecticut; San Diego, San Francisco, Palm Springs, and Santa Barbara, California; Las Vegas, Nevada; Irvine, California; Sevilla and then Fuengirola, Spain. And now Córdoba.

56 thoughts on “A sweet anniversary / Un dulce aniversario”

  2. This was such a sweet post to read this morning. (Sweet because of your anniversary, and sweet because of all of the food photos!) Happy anniversary!

    Reply

    1. Michael:
      That pastry shop is 4 minutes away. It could be deadly, but we’ve managed to refrain. Thanks for the wishes.

      Reply

    1. Anonymous:
      We took the day off from thinking about him. We might have to remarry here!

      Reply

  5. Well Happy Happy Happiest of Anniversaries, and Bravo!!

    In 2001, shortly after Carlos and I got together, he had to go into the hospital for an appendectomy and as we were filling out the paperwork the admissions nurse asked for his emergency contact and he said it was me. She asked the relationship and he said, “Partners.”
    She gave us a look and I was ready to yank out my hoops and start a street fight until she said, “Oh, we got a new system and this will be my first time using the Partners/Same-Sex Couple designation.”
    I put my hoops back on and sat down.

    Reply

    1. Bob:
      What a relief that must have been. I know in South Dakota one of us would have been personally unsulted and would have had to rely on SG’s siblings.

      Reply

  6. How lovely! Happy anniversary, and many more. Clearly you both knew immediately you’d found the right person. Yes, the laws strongly favor marriage, dozens of them, and birth families have been privileged over same sex partners, often cruelly in bereavement. So marriage is a legal safeguard at the very least.
    Here’s hoping that safety continues.

    Reply

    2. Boud:
      I was surprised how moved I was at our wedding when all we really wanted, we thought, was that piece of paper. It’s such a normal thing here. Still often gets a raised eyebrow in the States. I hope it doesn’t come to it, but have been thinking we might have to get married again, in Spain.

      Reply

  7. Happy Anniversary Mitchell and SG! 44 years and still in love…what a blessing. I wish you both many more happy years together!

    Jennifer xx

    Reply

  11. Wishing you both a ‘Happy Anni’ – and I trust you got extra rubs from D & M. Nearly halfway to your century now .You WILL get there! 🙂

    Reply

    1. Raybeard:
      Century? Oh dear! D&M were especially attentive. I even got licks. Those are usually reserved for SG. (Either I don’t taste as good or I don’t need as much cleaning.)

      Reply

  12. It’s not just long-lasting love. It’s long-lasting romance, too, isn’t it?
    Sweetness all around.
    Wishing you two more and more and more.
    Moonsigh.

    Reply

  13. Congratulations, boys – 44 years puts The Madam and I’s twenty-seven in the shade… Jx

    PS We’re no fans of marriage either, and have never “tied the knot”. If there was just a “legal next-of-kin” form to sign, we’d sign it if needs be, but we have not felt the need so far.

    Reply

    1. Jon:
      We were both surprised by how moved we were when we married. But, the idea of a huge, expensive bash didn’t sit well with either of us. It’s a piece of paper. It would have helped over the years when I would quit a job for another opportunity for SG and then had to pay for my own healthcare until I was again gainfully employed.

      Reply

  16. Sweets for the sweets! Happy anniversary to the two of you! I feel like you’d be just as sweet in person as I know you to be online. I wish you many more years of happiness together! 💙

    Reply

    1. Kelly:
      Thanks so much. I wonder how blogging friends who meet me compare that me to the “written me.”

      Reply

    1. Mistress Borghese:
      Still hard for us to believe. Yeah, that’s about as much sinning as you’ll see around here!

      Reply

  18. Wow! Happy anniversary. 44 years and all those adventures is really something great. All the best. Olivia

    Reply

  19. Coincidentally, my wedding anniversary was August 14. That’s the date we got married though we count our being together from July 4th of the previous year.

    So it’s taken a while to sink in that I’m posting as anonymous. This is your new anonymous that came by way of Ms Moon and Steve a week or two ago. I am Ellen and I’m in Texas. I also have a blog, Stuff From Ellen’s Head, just to help identify myself.

    Reply

    1. Walt the Fourth:
      I’m surprised we don’t share the same anniversary given how often our paths crossed over the years.

      Reply

  25. That is beautiful! 44 years is incredible; congratulations!

    I had a big sigh of relief when Roy and I were finally allowed to get married. Rhode Island was the 13th state to ratify the legalization of same sex marriage, and we got married 3 days after the law went into effect. It. Changed. Everything.

    Reply

    1. Rade:
      Congratulations to you and Roy! I didn’t appreciate how different and empowered it would make me feel.

      Reply

  26. Congratulations to both of you on this 44th anniversary, a wonderful story of love and commitment. Simple celebration is best. This November Will and I will celebrate 48 yrs.

    Reply

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