La versión en español está después de la versión en inglés.
I’VE BEEN ON A BIT of a shopping spree recently. It’s not the type of spree I’ve been known to enjoy (I can get carried away), but I suppose this could be considered my pandemic version. Several weeks ago I found a new rain jacket at our El Corte Inglés department store, which recently became an outlet shop. It’s a Gore-Tex jacket by The North Face and was less than half retail price. I saved more than 100 euros. I love bargains.
I needed a new pair of shoes good in the rain. My Gore-Tex Ecco shoes purchased in Norway several years ago have been worn to death — rain or shine. Surprisingly their soles were never very good on slippery streets. I found a new pair of Gore-Tex Eccos with slip-resistant soles. Normally 190 euros, they were on sale for 90. I was so happy. I consistently wear size 46 (USA 12) in Ecco shoes. My sciatica hurt when I bent to put the shoes on. So I did a quick, “Oh that feels good!” and brought them home. I then wore them twice and thought I just needed to get used to them. The last time I put them on was when my hip was feeling good. I bent down and pressed on the toes and realized the shoes are too big. Crap! Too late to return or exhange them. I tried giving them to Tynan and Elena’s son, Alexander, but he wears a size smaller than I do. I know they’re too big for Pedro (having already passed along a great pair of Nikes to him). Something else for the charity shop. I went back to the shoe store to buy another pair, which would mean I actually paid full price afterall, but they only had them in size 42. I found size 45 online for 150-something. So much for my bargain. And what if I need 44? No new shoes for now. I’ll make do.
I had checked out the windows of a downtown shop, on Plaza de la Constitución, called Ole Tú many times but never went inside. After going bust back at the shoe store, I stopped in. I got a new pastry brush for San Geraldo (he loves it and used it for yesterday’s Moorish Chicken and Nut Pie). I bought myself two luxury bar soaps. I carefully studied the ingredients and benefits of each soap on display. I can’t now remember what’s in the two bars I bought, but I know they’re good for old, dry skin. They didn’t say “old” but they did mention anti-aging. Anyway, they smell good.
The basement level of the shop was filled with more housewares, decor, toys, and novelties. The final four photos are all the things I passed up. I don’t care what they say. Mankinis and Willy Warmers could not possibly be one-size-fits-all.
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RECIENTEMENTE HE ESTADO EN UNA juerga de compras. No es el tipo de juerga que he sido conocido por disfrutar (puedo dejarme llevar), pero supongo que esto podría considerarse mi versión pandémica. Hace varias semanas encontré un chubasquero nuevo en nuestro El Corte Inglés, que recientemente se convirtió en tienda outlet. Es una chaqueta Gore-Tex de The North Face y costaba menos de la mitad del precio minorista. Ahorré más de 100 euros. Amo las gangas.
Necesitaba un nuevo par de zapatos buenos bajo la lluvia. Mis zapatos Gore-Tex Ecco comprados en Noruega hace varios años se han desgastado hasta la muerte, llueva o haga sol. Sorprendentemente, sus suelas nunca fueron muy buenas en calles resbaladizas. Encontré un nuevo par de Gore-Tex Eccos con suelas antideslizantes. Normalmente 190 euros, estaban en oferta por 90. Estaba tan feliz. Siempre uso la talla 46 (USA 12) en zapatos Ecco. Me dolía la ciática cuando me incliné para ponerme los zapatos. Así que hice un rápido, “¡Oh, eso se siente bien!” y los trajo a casa. Luego los usé dos veces y pensé que solo necesitaba acostumbrarme a ellos. La última vez que me los puse fue cuando mi cadera se sentía genial. Me agaché y apreté los dedos de los pies y me di cuenta de que los zapatos eran demasiado grandes. ¡Tonterías! Demasiado tarde para devolverlos o intercambiarlos. Intenté dárselas al hijo de Tynan y Elena, Alexander, pero usa una talla más pequeña que yo. Sé que son demasiado grandes para Pedro (ya le he pasado un par de Nikes geniales). Algo más para la tienda benéfica. Regresé a la zapatería para comprar otro par, lo que significaría que en realidad pagué el precio completo después de todo, pero solo los tenían en la talla 42. Encontré la talla 45 en línea por 150 y algo. Pero, ¿y si necesito 44? No hay zapatos nuevos por ahora. Me las arreglaré.
Había revisado muchas veces los escaparates de una tienda del centro llamada Ole Tú, pero nunca entré. Después de regresar a la zapatería, me detuve. Compré una nueva brocha de pastelería para San Geraldo (a él le encanta y la usó para el pastel de pollo y nueces de ayer). Me compré dos jabones de barra de lujo. Estudié cuidadosamente los ingredientes y beneficios de cada jabón en exhibición. Ahora no puedo recordar qué hay en las dos barras que compré, pero sé que son buenas para la piel vieja y seca. No dijeron “vieja”, pero sí mencionaron antienvejecimiento. De todos modos, huelen bien.
El sótano de la tienda estaba lleno de más artículos para el hogar, decoración, juguetes y novedades. Las últimas cuatro fotos son todas las cosas que dejé pasar. No me importa lo que digan. Mankinis y Willy Warmers no podrían ser iguales para todos.
• Útil para aliviar el estrés, eso me han dicho.
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Thank you for passing on the mankini, I wonder who actually buys those, or wears them aside from drunk frat boys?
David:
Even the hunky models they use for the mankinis don’t look good in them. Definitely not a turn-on.
Your last photo reminded me of my mother. When my three boys were small and discovered their private parts to be interesting, she lovingly (and repeatedly) reminded them to “leave Willy alone”. So you can just imagine the howling laughter in our house when the movie “Free Willy” came out.
PS – The second jab kicked me hard. Tried getting up yesterday, but went right back to bed running a fever, headache, aches and pains, nausea. Feel about 45% this morning but at I am upright (for now). At least I know there is an end to it. Evidently my immune system is younger than my years as it must have been pumping the antibodies big time. Still grateful.
Mary:
Well, a day later, I hope you’re back to 100 percent! I will never think of Free Willy in the same way.
The Mankini and the shoes might have been the new paseo look!!
And, to be fair, when I am stressed, I am my own Willie to squeeze.
Bob:
I must admit I found “Squeeze Willy” tempting. If only the shoes fit, I’d go back for the mankini. Such a shame.
I’m laughing too hard to even comment!
sillygirl:
And this all started because I wanted to tell you what I bought.
Wow, not just a Willy Warmer, but a RAINBOW Willy Warmer!!!! Go Pride!
Debra:
I was pleased that it was a rainbow willy warmer, but unfortunately it means no straight goes will wear them. A entire market missed.
Hey you tried. I used to wear Eccos and loved them/so comfortable.
We could use those Willy Warmers here today…..-10C/-20 withchill!
Will stay put today.
Jim:
-20!!! Run!!!
Haven’t been shopping (for clothes or shoes or housewares) in a year. To tell the truth, I don’t miss it. And here in New Mexico I’ve never seen a Mankini in a box or on a man anywhere!
Frank:
I’m pleased to say I’ve never seen anywhere sporting a mankini on our beaches.
I’d rather squeeze a real live willie. maddie needs one of those rainbow willie warmers. as for the mankini, go big or go home, as maddie always says.
your new jacket looks warm.
Honey, I’m not hung like a horse…but I don’t think my willy is fitting in that warmer. I might need a custom warmer.
Mistress G Borghese:
That’s exactly what I said. Well, not exactly, but close. I have no idea about the horse. I have some friends who love to knit. Maybe one of them can make us custom willy warmers. Although I really don’t think I’d want them to take the measurements. They’re not THAT kind of friends.
anne marie:
The jacket has no lining and Gore-Tex breathes, so it should be good for all seasons. I’m not quiite sure who that willy warmer will fit. But I think Maddie will be offended.
Once I find a brand that puts a smile on my face I stick with it. However, I have been known to deviate because of boredom or a new alternative seems to work better. Haven’t been able to walk the store aisles at all so online searching takes up my time. Jim is fine with that because he doesn’t have to partake at all.
Ron:
In this case, I was focused on Eccos in the shops because they were made of Gore-Tex. If I could have found something else locallly, I would have gone for it. I enjoy shopping (and buying, not just browsing), so I’ve felt a bit deprived.
That was an odd assortment of things on the bargain table, but easy to see why they wound up there. And now I know what my life is missing – some new shoes! Sorry your bargain didn’t work out. They were probably on sale because they were mis-sized.
Wilma:
That wasn’t the bargain table. That was the … um… willy and boobs table. Adult games and novelties. My two pairs of Ecco shoes are 46, but I noticed my two pairs of Ecco sandals are 45. Jeez!
Um…..nope, nope, nope! I refuse to consider the Squeeze Willy for the hand strengthening exercises that my rheumatologist recommended! There was something about shoes here too, wasn’t there? My mind wandered into the Twilight Zone.
Deedles:
I’d even send you a Squeeze Willy (for medicinal reasons of course). What would BH think when he walked in the door?
I asked him (yeah, we have that kind of relationship). He said “A little small, isn’t it? Does it come in medium brown?
do I stand in line for my turn? Can I have the rainbow willy warmer (extra large) to use while I’m waiting?”
I’m paraphrasing here. I translated his tear inducing laughter.
Deedles:
Why would he want it in medium brown? The point is to adorn the willy while you warm it. So, Dear Deedles, do you knit?
OMG!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!! Meanwhile I use the same type of pastry brush. Did you pick that up beside the dildos?
Now Mitchell….squeeze my Willy!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mistress G Borghese:
Yes! The pastry brush WAS displayed with the dildos! (Actually, there were no dildos.) Squeeze your own willy!
zapatos neuvos come up frequently in my Spanish lessons
I have yet to see the other items.
Urspo:
You really should learn the term for Willy Warmer. That comes up often.
pun intended?
Urspo:
It wasn’t intended, but once I wrote it I thought “why not.”
Who knew Peter Heaters were manufactured outside of Canada and Russia?
I’ve been following your blog for a little while and I really enjoy the photos of your Spanish neighbourhood! Your cats, Dudo and Moose, are hilarious and deserve their own posts, LOL!
Tundra Bunny:
Thin blood on the Costa del Sol. Below 15C, willys need warming. Thanks so much for following and for you kind comments. If Dudo and Moose wrote their own posts, I’d be conscripted to do all the typing.
I’m not sure I get what the mankini is all about. Since a man (unlike a woman) is allowed, at least on the beach, to show his nipples, why not just wear a speedo?
As for Squeeze Willy, you don’t want Willy to be TOO squeezable, unless you’re pressed for time.
Kirk:
As I wrote this post about the mankini, I had the same thoughts. It couldn’t possibly be intended as anything other than a joke.
Oh my! I’m reading this at WORK! LOL
Steve:
I hadn’t thought of that! Maybe I should have included a warning.
It’s too bad about the shoes. I would never know what squeeze willy means from looking at the package (duh), so it’s a good thing it says squeeze penis. When my daughter was at Berkeley, I visited her and she told me the San Francisco “uniform” was a North Face jacket, a sweater, and jeans. You have 1/3 of the uniform.
Love,
Janie
janie:
I loved the squeeze willy translation. So helpful. I didn’t own a North Face jacket when I worked at Berkeley. But I’ve always had the sweater and jeans. I’ll avoid combining them now. Not a happy time in my career!