La versión en español está después de la versión en inglés.
EVERY MORNING, I GIVE THE cats their treats. They understand. They follow me around and hover until they get what they want. I say brightly, “So boys!” and they run into the kitchen.
Every night after dinner (so between 10:15 and 11:15), San Geraldo gives the cats their treats. They understand — that they get more treats. They haven’t caught on to the fact that it will be San Geraldo doling them out. He can’t seem to get the intonation of my “So boys.” When he says it, they ignore him. He has tried his own pat phrases like: “Time for dinner!” but they still ignore him. All I have to is say “So” and they come running — to me. They finally catch on when he rips open the individual package of food. Until then, they follow me wherever I go. It really aggravates San Geraldo.
SO, last night he muttered, “OK, guys, wake up and smell the roses!” Yes he did. I said (of course I did), “Or, they could wake up and smell the coffee.” “Same thing,” he said. “No,” I explained, “You wake up and smell the coffee; you stop and smell the roses. Entirely different meanings.” He replied, “Well, I’m sure somewhere it’s the right line. Besides, it’s different with cats. They don’t do coffee.”
In case you’re wondering who won Wednesday’s “Explain the Pacifier on the Beach Contest,” it was Texas Trailer Park Trash with her inspired response: Neptune’s Butt Plug. (I assumed she was referring to the pacifier, but I can’t be certain.) You can see in the top photo how happy Neptune is to have found it. You can also see the other clever responses in Wednesday’s comments. Thanks to you all! I don’t yet know what Texas Trailer Park Trash has won. I have to go shopping for something rare and valuable (not).
I suppose I should mention Sassy Bear’s disturbing idea. He suggested it was “Baby Tetherball (using live babies).” And Wilma thought that was a great idea. I think I’ll watch them both more closely from now on. They always seemed so sweet.
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TODAS LAS MAÑANAS LES DOY aperetivos a los gatos. Ellos entienden. Me siguen y revolotean hasta que consiguen lo que quieren. Digo alegremente: “So boys! [¡Así que chicos!]” y corren a la cocina.
Todas las noches después de la cena (entre las 22:15 y las 23:15), San Geraldo les da sus aperetivos a los gatos. Ellos entienden — que reciben más aperetivos. No se han dado cuenta de que será San Geraldo quien los reparta. Parece que no puede entender la entonación de mi “¡So boys!” Cuando lo dice, lo ignoran. Ha probado sus propias frases improvisadas como: “¡Hora de cenar!” pero todavía lo ignoran. Todo lo que tengo que decir es “So” y vienen corriendo hacia mí. Finalmente se dan cuenta cuando SG abre el paquete individual de comida. Hasta entonces, ellos me siguen a donde quiera que vaya. Realmente agrava a San Geraldo.
Entonces, anoche murmuró: “¡Está bien, chicos, despierten y huelan las rosas!” Sí lo hizo. Dije (por supuesto que sí): “O, podrían despertarse y oler el café”. “Lo mismo”, dijo. “No”, le expliqué, “te despiertas y hueles el café; te detienes y hueles las rosas. Significados completamente diferentes.” Él respondió: “Bueno, estoy seguro de que en algún lugar es la línea correcta. Además, es diferente con los gatos. No hacen café.
En caso de que se esté preguntando quién ganó el concurso “Explicar el chupete en la playa” del miércoles, fue Texas Trailer Park Trash con su respuesta inspirada: El tapón anal de Neptuno. (Supuse que se refería al chupete, pero no puedo estar seguro). Compartí la foto de arriba para mostrarles que Neptune encontró su tapón anal. Puedes ver en la foto superior lo feliz que está Neptuno por haberlo encontrado. También puede ver las otras respuestas inteligentes en los comentarios del miércoles. ¡Gracias a todos! Todavía no sé qué ha ganado Texas Trailer Park Trash. Tengo que ir de compras hoy por algo raro y valioso (no).
Supongo que debería mencionar la inquietante idea de Sassy Bear. Sugirió que era “Baby Tetherball (usando bebés vivos)”. Y Wilma pensó que era una gran idea. Creo que los observaré a ambos más de cerca a partir de ahora. Siempre parecían tan dulces.
• Parar y oler las rosas de Susan. Tengo dos que se secaron y mantuvieron su color. (La de la izquierda no es una rosa.)
Ha! I want to thank the Academy for this great honor….wait a minute. That’s for something else entirely. This was fun, though, and I’m glad Neptune has been reunited with his beloved butt plug. The turtle, however, looks a bit leery.
So when you’re out looking for my prize, Mitchell, please skip the sex shop. That ship sailed many years ago. How I even knew about the existence of butt plugs is anybody’s guess. Cheers!
TexasTrailerParkTrash:
They like you. They really like you! And you deserve it.
Sorry I don’t have the trinket already in hand. Telling me to skip the sex shop really scuttled my plans (no it didn’t). I’ll share a photo of what will be coming your way. If you don’t mind please send me your snail mail address via the CONTACT link at the top right of my blog page (confidential that way). Thanks for giving us all a good and needed laugh.
So, the cats don’t “do” coffee. Does that mean they do, do roses? All I can think of is, watch out for the thorns, boys! SG does have a point sort of. You do have to wake up to smell the roses. Sleep sniffing is impossible without a second party. Boy, I’m way off the rails today!
My boys respond to “wanna eat?” not to mention cookie. We have to spell that one out or call it a biscuit.
Congrats to TTPT! Was there ever a doubt? Sassybear and Wilma are my kind of people. Somebody should be afraid.
Heh, totally forgot that one of my dogs is a female. I do regularly call them guys, though.
Deedles:
That’s OK. Guys became generic years ago. I had a boss who called her management team “girls”; we were 3 men and 1 woman. She got fired — not for that.
Deedles:
My reaction, too. The DO roses? Normally, neither of us can say the word “treat.” I can never begin a sentence with “So.” But, at night, they just can’t get with the program.
Your blog title was perfect for the day…we got our flower assortment for the weekend. It smells heavenly in here today. I also love your handy work up above too!!!!
Mistress Borghese:
I could spend hours photoshopping images like the top one. Really have to rein myself in. The fragrance in our hall at night with the African spear blooms is SO sweet.
Perhaps SG should try “Wake up and smell the catnip, boys!” or just shake the treat bag like they do in the TV ads…
Congrats to TTPT, a well deserved win for her witty entry!
Tundra Bunny:
Which reminds me: The stinkers have no interest in the catnap since that first day!
“They don’t do coffee.”
That slayed me. That is so Carlos, too!
Bob:
It is truly mystical how similar Carlos and SG can be. Do you suppose it’s because they grew up in different countries from us?
Sassy Bear was channeling inner Gary Larsen! I can see that comic perfectly! And Deedles – you are so my kind of people too.
I love SG’s response that cats don’t do coffee!
Wilma:
I had completely forgotten that Farside dogs and cat cartoon until you mentioned it! OK, I’m not so worried about you two anymore.
As soon as I saw wake up and smell the roses, I knew it came from San Geraldo. He’s reliable. I kind of like the idea of baby tetherball.
Love,
Janie
Janie:
I always love when I laugh at SG’s mixed metaphores and malapropisms and he says, “What’s it supposed to be?”
Neptune’s butt plug? HAHAHAHAHA! I bow to the master, TexasTrailerParkTrash! Oh dear, that sounds kind of BDSMish. Ignore me.
Debra:
This just keeps getting better.
Sometimes it all reminds me of “fractured fairytales.”
David:
Oh, how I LOVED Fractured Fairytales. I think I might have to watch some!
It’s called a “mixed metaphor” and it’s perfectly legit!
Frank:
Yes, and San Geraldo is king.
Neptune certainly seems…relieved?
It’s funny that the cats have “imprinted” on you when it comes to treats, but if I were SG it would annoy me too!
Steve:
It IS bizarre. He cleans their litter box every day and gives them fresh dry food and water every night before the treats. Moose sleeps crushed up next to him and they both adore him. Maybe it’s a language problem.
Neptune’s butt plug deserves to win yes.
Urspo,
Now to find something worthy of Texas Trailer Park Trash.
I was robbed! Robbed, I tell you! If I HAD to lose, I’m glad I lost to a worthy opponent.
Sassybear:
Damn. Just don’t go trying to overturn the results!