No VD from me / De mi parte, no VD

La versión en español está después de la versión en inglés.

I HAVE ALWAYS HATED VALENTINE’S Day — from early childhood when all the kids made cards for all the other kids in school, except for the ones they didn’t like, to adulthood when one was made to feel “less than” simply for being single.

But during my last year at university, where everyone said “Happy VD [short for Venereal Disease],” my friend Mary (you can learn about her here) and her housemates hosted, instead of a Valentine’s Day party, a Lonely Hearts Club party. Heavy drinking was guaranteed. We were in Brockport, on the Erie Canal, in the “snowbelt” of New York State. So, of course, there was plenty of snow on the ground when I arrived that evening, alone, at Mary’s house.

As I approached, I glimpsed a seated figure, arms around knees, in the shadows at the side of the house. The figure looked up and I saw it was Mary planted miserably in the snow.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “I’m giving myself hemorrhoids!” she muttered.

I had no clue how to respond. Even at the age of 21, I didn’t know what hemorrhoids were or if you could catch them from sitting in snow.

“What?” was all I could say. Mary explained. “I’m tired of being a perfect asshole!”

I took Mary back inside for another drink. My favorite Valentine’s Day memory. (Still, I wouldn’t turn down a box of chocolates.)


SIEMPRE HE ODIADO EL DÍA de San Valentín, desde la primera infancia cuando todos los niños hacían tarjetas para todos los demás niños de la escuela, excepto los que no les gustaban, hasta la edad adulta, cuando uno se sentía “menos que” simplemente por ser soltero.

Pero durante mi último año en la universidad, donde todos decían “Feliz VD” [abreviatura de enfermedad venérea], mi amiga Mary (puedes aprender sobre ella aquí) y sus compañeras de casa organizaron, en lugar de una fiesta de San Valentín, una fiesta del Lonely Hearts Club [Club de Corazones Solitarios]. El consumo excesivo de alcohol estaba garantizado. Estábamos en Brockport, en el Canal Erie, en el “cinturón de nieve” del estado de Nueva York. Entonces, por supuesto, había mucha nieve en el suelo cuando llegué esa noche, sola, a la casa de Mary.

Mientras me acercaba, vislumbré una figura sentada, con los brazos alrededor de las rodillas, en las sombras al costado de la casa. La figura miró hacia arriba y vi que era Mary plantada miserablemente en la nieve.

“¿Qué estás haciendo?” Yo pregunté. “¡Me estoy dando hemorroides!” murmuró.

No tenía ni idea de cómo responder. Incluso a la edad de 21 años, no sabía qué eran las hemorroides o si las podías contraer por estar sentado en la nieve.

“¿Qué?” fue todo lo que pude decir. Mary explicó. “¡Estoy cansado de ser un culo perfecto¡”

Llevé a Mary adentro para otra copa. Mi recuerdo favorito de San Valentín. (Aún así, no rechazaría una caja de bombones).

Moose and Dudo in 2013. The heart of our home.
Moose y Dudo en 2013. El corazon de nuestra casa.


Author: Moving with Mitchell

From Brooklyn, New York; to North Massapequa; back to Brooklyn; Brockport, New York; back to Brooklyn... To Boston, Massachusetts, where I met Jerry... To Marina del Rey, California; Washington, DC; New Haven and Guilford, Connecticut; San Diego, San Francisco, Palm Springs, and Santa Barbara, California; Las Vegas, Nevada; Irvine, California; Sevilla, Spain. And Fuengirola, Málaga..

28 thoughts on “No VD from me / De mi parte, no VD”

  1. Lots of folks despise this holiday, more than Halloween or Christmas .
    On the other hand who needs it when you have such adorable pussycats for valentine?

  2. One certainly knew who your friends were back then on VD.
    I do feel sorry for those who do not have someone close to help celebrate it.
    Like all ‘holidays’ it is one big commercial grab…..IMHO. But I do participate nonetheless.

    1. Jim:
      SG and I exchanged cards our first Valentine’s Day together (6 months in). I don’t think we’ve done anything since. (I can even remember buying the card in a new upscale card shop on our corner.)

  3. “Tired of being a perfect asshole” is a really great line, I will have to remember that one. In editing today’s Sunday five, I tried hard to avoid making people who are single, feel left out when talking about love.

    1. David:
      Mary has always had a fascinating mind, and sense of humor. As for your post yesterday, I though it was wonderful and didn’t exclude anyone.

  4. I remember the old wives tale that you can get hemorrhoids from sitting on something cold! Happy VD to you too!

    1. Debra:
      Mary was a nursing student at the time. She probably knows better know… probably knew better than, too, but was just being funny in her misery.

  5. My grandmother was born on Valentine’s Day and I was supposed to be born that day, too. But, as usual, I was late. But that is how I wound up with my grandmother’s name – my favorite Valentine’s Day gift.

    I heart Moose and Dudo!

    1. Wilma:
      I love the name even more knowing the story. Is your middle name Valentina? Moose is walking around the house yowling right now… because he just had his treat and he feels like it.

    1. Steve:
      So do we. When the cats were younger, they were often in so many positions together that I started to create the alphabet from their photos. This was an outtake.

  6. Belated Happy Birthday to SG — that Greek food looked soooo good.
    I get so frustrated with the no-maskers. But, Dudo and Moose are a fabulous pair of Valentine’s Day felines!

  7. Not a fan of VD either.

    Good to see Moose and Dudo know how to make their own valentine statement without forking out 6.99+ for the hellmark card. 🙂

  8. Valentine’s Day bites the big one. When I was in school, I don’t know if we were required to give cards to all the other kids in the class, but we did. When my daughter was in school, it was a requirement, but one year when she got home she came to me with tears in her eyes to show me a card she’d received from a girl she thought was her friend. It said, Stop following me around at recess. I’m not your friend.

    Fucking bitch. I hope she grew up to be miserable.


    1. Janie:
      What a sweet (not) Valentine’s card. Yeah, if she didn’t grow up to rue her cruelty, I’m sure she grew up to be miserable.

  9. You could celebrate Arizona Statehood Day.
    On this day in 1912 President Howard Taft signed the Arizona Statehood bill making Arizona the 48 state in the Union
    Happy 109 Birthday .
    cheers !

    1. Parsnip:
      Hah! I’ll leave that celebration to you. But, happy Presidents Day, for what it’s worth.

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