I sneezed / Estornudé

La versión en español está después de la versión en inglés.

LAST SATURDAY, I MET ELENA and Tynan for coffee. I was sitting opposite them on the bench part of the booth. Without warning, I let out a sneeze that came from the bottom of my feet and exploded out the top of my head (OK, maybe a little lower). I had no time to adjust my position to better prepare for the eruption and I immediately felt a massive twang in my lower back. That’s going to hurt later, I thought. And it did. I stretched. I took paracetamol. I stretched. I was careful.

Tuesday, I had another explosive sneeze and my back contracted again. Still, not too bad. On my way home from the gym this morning, I felt another sneeze coming on. I stopped and tried to position myself to take the force, but it was no use. I stood there while my back spasmed for about 30 seconds. Four hours later, and I’ve got a heat wrap, which helps a little. Did you know that if you’re over 55, you shouldn’t place the heat wrap directly against your skin. I have a tank top tucked into my gym shorts with the heat wrap velcroed around it. I feel like a rock star in a corset. Maybe I’ll just lie in bed this afternoon and enjoy the view.

Last night during dinner, I opened the sliding door for Moose (as I always do for the cats at least a dozen times while I sit there) and I closed it too soon. Moose had stopped and I hit him with the door. He didn’t yowl, just turned and looked at the door before running around the corner. But he didn’t come back within a few minutes as he usually does. I checked on him. He seemed fine. But Dudo came and went, while Moose stayed put. Finally when it was time for their late-night treats, he came to the door. I opened it and he backed away before racing back in at top speed. Later, I opened the door for him again and he ran in the other direction. I thought, ‘Oh, here we go. He’ll be afraid of the door forever.’ But that hasn’t been the case today; there’s no hesitation when he exits or enters. He doesn’t have Dudo’s memory.

Nutrition and Fitness Report
Stretch: Four times Thursday, three times so far today.
Gym: Went this morning. Chest and back.
Walking: Thursday, 6.5 km / 4 miles. Just to and from the gym today, about a mile (1.5 km) round-trip.

Sweets: Only San Geraldo.

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SÁBADO, ME RUINÍ CON ELENA y Tynan para tomar un café. Estaba sentado frente a ellos en el banco. Sin previo aviso, dejé escapar un estornudo que vino de la planta de mis pies y explotó en la parte superior de mi cabeza (OK, tal vez un poco más abajo). No tuve tiempo de ajustar mi posición a fin de prepararme mejor para la erupción e inmediatamente sentí un golpe masivo en mi espalda baja. Eso dolerá más tarde, pensé. Y lo hizo. Me estiré. Tomé paracetamol. Me estiré. Tuve cuidado.

El martes, tuve otro estornudo explosivo y mi espalda se contrajo nuevamente. Aún así, no está tan mal. De camino a casa desde el gimnasio esta mañana, sentí que venía otro estornudo. Me detuve y traté de posicionarme para tomar la fuerza, pero fue inútil. Me quedé allí mientras mi espalda sufría espasmos durante unos 30 segundos. Cuatro horas después, tengo una envoltura térmica, lo que ayuda un poco. ¿Sabías que si tienes más de 55 años, no debes colocar la envoltura térmica directamente sobre tu piel? Tengo una camiseta sin mangas metida en mis pantalones cortos de gimnasia con la envoltura térmica envuelta con velcro. Me siento como una estrella de rock con corsé. Tal vez me acueste en la cama esta tarde y disfrute de la vista.

Anoche, durante la cena, abrí la puerta corrediza para Moose (como siempre hago con los gatos al menos una docena de veces mientras me siento allí) y la cerré demasiado pronto. Moose se había detenido y lo golpeé con la puerta. No aulló, solo se volvió y miró hacia la puerta antes de doblar la esquina corriendo. Pero no regresó en unos minutos como suele hacer. Lo revisé. Parecía estar bien. Pero Dudo iba y venía, mientras que Moose se quedaba quieto. Finalmente, cuando llegó el momento de sus golosinas nocturnas, se acercó a la puerta. La abrí y él retrocedió antes de entrar corriendo a toda velocidad. Más tarde, volví a abrirle la puerta y corrió en la otra dirección. Pensé: ‘Oh, aquí vamos. Tendrá miedo a la puerta para.’ Pero ese no ha sido el caso hoy, aunque ya no hay ninguna vacilación cuando sale o entra. No tiene la memoria de Dudo.

Informe de nutrición y estado físico
Estiramiento: Cuatro veces el jueves, tres veces hasta ahora.
Gimnasio: Fui esta mañana. Pecho y espalda.
Caminar: El jueves, 6.5 km / 4 millas. Hoy, solo hacia y desde el gimnasio, aproximadamente una milla (1,5 km) de ida y vuelta.
Dulces: Solo San Geraldo.

Dudo
• Did you know that for them to actually dig to China, they’d have to start in Chile or Argentina?
• ¿Sabías que para que ellos realmente excaven en China, tendrían que comenzar en Chile o Argentina?
• From here, they might end up in Aukland, New Zealand… more likely in the Tasman Sea.
• A partir de aquí, podrían terminar en Auckland, Nueva Zelanda … más probablemente en el Mar de Tasmania.

Author: Moving with Mitchell

From Brooklyn, New York; to North Massapequa; back to Brooklyn; Brockport, New York; back to Brooklyn... To Boston, Massachusetts, where I met Jerry... To Marina del Rey, California; Washington, DC; New Haven and Guilford, Connecticut; San Diego, San Francisco, Palm Springs, and Santa Barbara, California; Las Vegas, Nevada; Irvine, California; Sevilla, Spain. And Fuengirola, Málaga..

25 thoughts on “I sneezed / Estornudé”

  1. I sneeze like you do. Also get a little spasm sometimes, but never as bad as what you describe! I like to stretch out flat on the floor with my knees bent – with or without a heat pack – and relax totally into the floor for about 15 minutes.

    Poor Moose. Good thing he blamed the door and not you!

    1. Wilma:
      Flat on the floor sounds like a good idea. Yesterday was much better. So far today, I’m fine.

  2. It is pretty much impossible to relax under the threat of an imminent sneeze. Ask me how I know.

    Hope your back spasms relent and leave you without pain…well, without the usual amount of pain most of us feel this side of 60…or 70 (me, not you).

    1. Debra:
      Dudo really doesn’t give a crap. It’s all about him. San Geraldo… well, he’s a saint.

  3. Lucky Moose to have a short memory — I got my head stuck in a revolving door at a store when I was a kid and could never go through one again without fear. Thank Jeebus, revolving doors fell out of design favour, LOL!

    A good soak in a hot bath with dissolved epsom salts will also help ease the pain of muscle spasms, especially in the neck, back and legs. And that’s the only home remedy Dr. Tundra Bunny endorses, LOL!

    1. Tundra Bunny:
      Ow! That revolving door had to hurt. Have you ever seen the old horizontal-bar revolving gates on NY subways? I was 10 the first time I saw one. I was afraid to use them for years. My father used to soak a sore back in epsom salts every evening. Mine seems to be fine now.

  4. Must be something ‘in the air’ that you do not like.
    Or maybe something is stuck up there?
    Moose has his priorities, I guess.
    Now take care.

  5. The antipodes of Madrid is Palmerston North – a town north of Wellington. One of the bits of “useless information” in my brain. Hope your back is feeling better. Sending gentle care from Wellington, New Zealand

    1. Michelle C:
      There’s an interactive map that hasn’t been working lately or I’d know exactly where we’d end up from here. From Sevilla, which is closer than Madrid, it would be Aukland. So I think from here we’d be in the suburbs. Back seems to be fine thanks to your gentle care, but I’ll be careful.

  6. Over the last few years I’ve gradually taught myself back-protection measures, like never picking anything from the floor without holding on to some kind of support even when I don’t need to – it reduces the risk of sudden adverse strains.

    1. taskerdunham:
      Interesting how we evolve. I usually get in a safe position for one of those huge sneezes.

  7. Poor Moose — terrorized by the door! And poor you! Those must have been some powerful sneezes. How did Elena and Tynan react when you sneezed across the table at them?!

    1. Steve:
      Fortunately, I grabbed my handkerchief and put my head down. So, although there were no slomo infrared cameras to track the mist, I think I did a pretty good job of controlling it. Haven’t seen T and E since then. Maybe they’re afraid of me now!

  8. I’ve always had a bad back (minor scoliosis–not enough to have had a back brace), and as I get older, I’m amazed at all of the little things that can set off problems. Hope it gets better soon.

    1. Michelle D:
      I don’t tend to have back problems… if you ignore the sciatica. I’ve had friends with the same problem as yours. So frustrating.

    1. Urspo:
      There’s also an app that gives you exact antipodes. However, it wasn’t working when I wrote this.

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