La versión en español está después de la versión en inglés.
After finding yesterday’s photo of handsome San Geraldo in a tuxedo, I began browsing old photos again. There are so many memories and so much I’d like to share. I’ve included one today from my 32nd birthday in Washington D.C.
I was finally diagnosed with clinical depression two months earlier. The meds had kicked in and I know it was my first truly contented birthday for as long as I could remember (and I have a very long memory). There was never a birthday when my candle wish didn’t involve The Kid Brother waking up miraculously “normal.” Not just normal, but brilliantly gifted. That was then combined with wishing Dale’s cancer would disappear. In addition, many years I wished myself dead. At the age of 32, I finally wished for something good for myself. I don’t remember the wish, but I’m sure it came true.
Speaking of birthdays, we were at Mesón Salvador for second breakfast this morning and the staff led everyone in a rousing rendition of “Cumpleaños Feliz” (Happy Birthday) to Adrian. We all sang and clapped at the end. Adrian was mortified. I wondered why I missed it when I know it’s on my calendar. Adrian told me it wasn’t really his birthday. The staff just thought it would be funny. So, happy unbirthday to us all.
Después de encontrar la foto de ayer del guapo San Geraldo con esmoquin, comencé a buscar fotos antiguas nuevamente. Hay tantos recuerdos y tanto que me gustaría compartir. He incluido uno de hoy de mi cumpleaños número 32 en Washington D.C.
Finalmente me diagnosticaron depresión clínica dos meses antes. Los medicamentos habían hecho efecto y sé que era mi primer cumpleaños verdaderamente feliz desde que tengo uso de razón (y tengo una memoria muy larga). Nunca hubo un cumpleaños en el que mi deseo con la vela no implicara que The Kid Brother se despertara milagrosamente “normal”. No sólo normal, sino también brillantemente dotado. Luego, eso se combinó con el deseo de que el cáncer de Dale desapareciera. Además, muchos años deseé estar muerto. A la edad de 32 años finalmente deseé algo bueno para mí. No recuerdo el deseo, pero estoy seguro de que se hizo realidad.
Hablando de cumpleaños, estuvimos en el Mesón Salvador para el segundo desayuno esta mañana y el personal dirigió a todos en una interpretación conmovedora de “Cumpleaños Feliz” para Adrián. Todos cantamos y aplaudimos al final. Adrián estaba mortificado. Me pregunté por qué me lo perdí cuando sé que está en mi calendario. Adrian me dijo que en realidad no era su cumpleaños. El personal pensó que sería divertido. Entonces, feliz no-cumpleaños para todos nosotros.
• 16 de junio 1986. Georgetown, Washington D.C. Me alegro de haber conseguido finalmente frenillos. Ojalá todavía tuviera esas cejas y esas pestañas. Pero no los cambiaría durante los últimos 37 (jadeo) años.
• Adrian en una vacación antes so no-cumpleaños. Él es 2 años mayor que yo en la foto anterior.
• Jueves. Un poco tarde para ver el amanecer.
• Jueves por la tarde.
• Esta mañana. Una vez más, demasiado tarde para ver el amanecer.
Click the thumbnails to enlarge.
Haz clic en las miniaturas para ampliar.
You look more 19 than 32!
I have always found it so relaxing staring out into the horizon……wonderful shots!
Jim:
Well, this is great. I replied to your comment twice (from my wordpress account itself) and it’s gone into the ether! SO, It’s 37 years later. I wish I looked 56! (Well, I wish I looked 32).
Ha! I’ve never seen/heard that Happy Un-birthday song from Alice in Wonderland!
FYI to others having problems commenting: I’m in Chrome, on a Mac dekstop, and I just had to re-log-in to WordPress, to comment, and the interface looks different now (once I logged in… and it sent me a verification via my email).
J Chabot:
I’m now having trouble replying to comments on my own site. I reply, look later, and they’re not there. This is the second time I’ve replied to yours.
How lucky you were to be diagnosed and given the proper medication. Your life from before to now has probably shifted so much into a more joyful direction.
Bob:
My second try replying to your comment from my own blog! Argh. As you know, the depression can still be challenging but I know what I’m supposed to feel like now. It’s incredible.
Better living and happiness, through chemistry. Adrian could celebrate every week – if it’s Friday it might be his birthday. Mason Salvador is your second home, for the second breakfast.
David:
We go for coffee. We end up having second breakfast.
Glad that life got so much better for you at 32.
Debra:
I became someone I didn’t recognize. It took me years to accept that the medicated me was the real me.
That is a lovely, contented, young-looking 32-year-old…
I like “un-birthdays”, too – I’ve been celebrating mine all month, and there’s another party/”gathering of the clans” tomorrow! Jx
Jon:
After being with SG for a few years I learned to refer to February as his birthday month. He never stopped celebrating and would tell everyone he met (the dry cleaner, delivery people, etc.) it was his birthday.
Oh, Scoot, I love your beautiful brown, puppy dog eyes and gorgeous smile. You still got it! Now, is it just me or does Adrian look a lot like Tom Hanks in that picture?
Deedles:
Oh, Deedles, one of the first things SG said to me was how much he loved my beautiful brown, puppy dog eyes. I had never heard that before.
You’re right about Adrian looking like Tom Hanks in that photo. Interesting. I don’t think he looks at all like him in real life, but now I have to check.
It’s probably just his profile. It happens. I look like Queen Latifah from the front (yeah, right) and Alfred Hitchcock sideways. Whaddaya gonna do?
Deedles:
I’ve seen a couple of photos of you that you shared. You’re even better than Queen Latifah!
You look so happy in that photo!! I’m glad you were able to get the right balance of meds to make it happen. It can be a difficult process for many.
Kelly:
The meds have changed over the years, but I was so lucky when the first prescription worked. At first, I didn’t know myself. I was shocked at how good and different I could feel about myself and the world around me.
What’s it like to look at a picture of your younger self, know you were handsome, and know you’ve only gotten better looking as you’ve aged? I hate reading your struggle with depression, but I am so grateful you found the strength to keep going until you got the help you needed, else we’d never have “met” here in blogland and you wouldn’t be able to make my New Year’s Resolution come true: to meet you in person in NYC. (See what I did there?)
Anyhoo, I’m FINALLY caught up with your blog posts and SO happy to read you are doing well. Whew! Please do not scare us like that again. *Hugs*
Sassybear:
I have never “known” I was or am handsome. I look back at old pictures and am sometimes surprised that I didn’t look as bad as I thought I did. (I like what you did there.)
Who would have thought that very handsome young man had, for so many years, been unhappy with being alive. Glad you pushed through that invisible wall, got to experience how much better it is on this, the other side.
Shirley:
I’ll post again the solution I found for the comments problem. I have no clue why it’s so inconsistent.
When I was in 7th grade, I read the poem “Richard Cory” and then heard the Simon and Garfunkel song, and I understood I wasn’t alone. But it took me so many years to finally get help… and that had a lot to do with SG who was stunned when I told him what I wished for every night (to not wake up in the morning).
Shirley:
That’s not an uncommon problem, as I’m sure you understand, for people with different types of depression. From the outside, all looks well and then, boom!
Anonymous is me, Shirley, and I don’t know why I’m all of a sudden coming up as anonymous.
Wow! Adrian’s shorts look normal! No diapers! No one-leg-shorter-than-the-other! Just a good lookin’ guy in normal clothes!
WCS
Walt the Fourth:
The little envelope worked! I’ll have to ask Adrian if he ever does the shorts and shorter look.
I love that photo of you! You do look so happy. I am glad that medication helped you with the depression. There was a time when I was younger, in my teens and twenties, when I just didn’t want to celebrate another birthday myself. I am so glad I got through those times.
mcpersonalspace54:
I had a feeling you’d understand. I spent most of those first 32 years not really knowing myself despite all the introspection and soul searching. When I discovered I could be truly happy, I had to be convinced it was “normal” for me and not simply medicated.
I totally get it.
I would never guess from that picture that you were struggling with depression, and am sorry that you were.
Kirk:
That was commonly said. I smiled a lot, Except with very close friends (and even then). My father said it was gas.
Hey it’s my un-birthday too !
Urspo:
What a coincidence!
I really didn’t like reading about your depression but in truth there is such bad news and depression floating around here also. The Gud Dugs said they will deliver hugs and woofs.
Parsnip:
So many people live with depression and other mental health issues. World events don’t make it any easier.