Bunions and beard balm / Juanetes y bálsamo barba

La versión en español está después de la versión en inglés.

I never knew what a bunion was. It seems I have had one since I was 25 years old (I remember the first time I noticed it, although no one else ever did). It only started hurting over the past couple of years and has become especially problematic in recent months. I showed it to San Geraldo and he asked, “Isn’t that a bunion?” I said, “No.” I couldn’t possibly have a bunion!

As My Mother The Dowager Duchess always told Dale and me, “I didn’t spend all that money on good shoes for the two of you so you could go barefoot outside and get calluses.” Calluses were for peasants. What would she have said to a bunion? To “cure” Dale, my parents immediately bought her a manicure-pedicure set. I had to fend for myself because boys didn’t do that. One problem, however, was the mani-pedi set included a plug-in smoother, sander, buffer. Dale carried some kind of magnetic interference (or she was simply careless) that broke every appliance she ever touched. So, that didn’t last long. Anyway, she didn’t live long enough to have bunions.

I’ve given up on podiatrists. I’ve been to two — very nice guys — who seemed to have no clue what the bump was on my foot. It got worse and they had no suggestions except to see them every two months. I have an appointment with Orthopaedics this week and went to a nearby shop where I bought a “double-loop bunion spreader.” That little silicone wonder has made a huge difference.

I should have shown my foot to SG in the first place. But, even after 42 years, I don’t like to point out my flaws. I have a puffy scar under my right eye. I always give him my left profile. [OK. That’s not actually true. But I do think about it.] And that leads me to “product.”

Do you use “product”? I’ve amassed quite a collection. There’s this for under the eyes, that to repair the skin, the other to moisturize the face. There’s an entirely different set for the body, hands, and feet. I have beard balm and now beard oil (for when I don’t think the beard balm is doing enough). The new L’Oréal Men Expert BarberClub beard and skin oil is dispensed with an eye dropper. I’ve come close twice now to putting it in my eyes. It’s a good thing I no longer have hair. That was the “product” I had a lot of when I was young. It’s probably what made my hair fall out.

Obviously this post is all about appearances. Enjoy these guys who clearly obsess about that. As for the shoe above, are those horses? And what the hell are they doing?

Nunca supe qué era un juanete. Parece que lo tengo desde que tenía 25 años (recuerdo la primera vez que lo noté, aunque nadie más lo hizo nunca). Sólo empezó a doler en los últimos años y se ha vuelto especialmente problemático en los últimos meses. Se lo mostré a San Geraldo y me preguntó: “¿No es un juanete?” Dije que no. ¡No es posible que tenga un juanete!

Como Mi Madre La Duquesa Viuda siempre nos decía a Dale y a mí: “No gasté todo ese dinero en buenos zapatos para vosotros para que podríais salir descalzos y tener callos”. Los callos eran para los campesinos. ¿Qué le habría dicho a un juanete? Para “curar” a Dale, mis padres inmediatamente le compraron un juego de manicura y pedicura. Tuve que valerme por mí misma porque los chicos no hacían eso. Un problema, sin embargo, fue que el juego de manicura y pedicura incluía un alisador, una lijadora y un pulidor enchufables. Dale llevaba algún tipo de interferencia magnética (o simplemente fue descuidada) que rompía todos los aparatos que tocaba. Entonces eso no duró mucho. De todos modos, ella no vivió lo suficiente como para tener juanetes.

He renunciado a los podólogos. He estado con dos — tipos muy amables — que parecían no tener idea de cuál era el bulto en mi pie. Empeoró y no tenían sugerencias excepto verlos cada dos meses. Tengo una cita con Ortopedia esta semana y fui a una tienda cercana donde compré un “separador de juanetes de doble asa”. Esa pequeña maravilla de silicona ha marcado una gran diferencia.

En primer lugar, debería haberle mostrado mi pie a SG. Pero, incluso después de 42 años, no me gusta señalar mis defectos. Tengo una cicatriz hinchada debajo del ojo derecho. Siempre le doy mi perfil izquierdo. [DE ACUERDO. En realidad, eso no es cierto. Pero sí pienso en ello.] Y eso me lleva al “producto”.

¿Utilizas “producto”? He acumulado una gran colección. Hay uno para debajo de los ojos, otro para reparar la piel y otro para hidratar el rostro. Hay un conjunto completamente diferente para el cuerpo, las manos y los pies. Tengo bálsamo para barba y ahora aceite para barba (para cuando creo que el bálsamo para barba no hace lo suficiente). El nuevo aceite para barba (y piel) de L’Oréal Men Expert BarberClub se dispensa con un gotero. He estado a punto dos veces de ponérmelo en los ojos. Es bueno que ya no tenga pelo. Ese era el “producto” que tenía mucho cuando era joven. Probablemente sea lo que hizo que se me cayera el pelo.

Obviamente esta publicación tiene que ver con las apariencias. Disfruta de estos chicos que claramente se obsesionan con eso. En cuanto al zapato de arriba, ¿son caballos? ¿Y qué diablos están haciendo?

• “Universal one size” is a joke, but it still works.

• “Talla única universal” es una broma, pero aún así funciona.

Author: Moving with Mitchell

From Brooklyn, New York; to North Massapequa; back to Brooklyn; Brockport, New York; back to Brooklyn... To Boston, Massachusetts, where I met Jerry... To Marina del Rey, California; Washington, DC; New Haven and Guilford, Connecticut; San Diego, San Francisco, Palm Springs, and Santa Barbara, California; Las Vegas, Nevada; Irvine, California; Sevilla, Spain. And Fuengirola, Málaga..

35 thoughts on “Bunions and beard balm / Juanetes y bálsamo barba”

  1. I’ve never been one for “product”, although when I was a lot younger and on the cusp of coming out, my friend Carol and I used to henna our hair – the traditional product, from powder; it looked and smelled like a cow-pat and we had to hold it on our hair with tinfoil(!). I doubt the results would be quite the same now my hair is grey. Jx

  2. Nada on the product, I have worked hard for every wrinkle and scar. Photo #2, made me go wowoooo, that shirt should be burned.

  3. My grandma had terrible bunions when she got old and shoes hurt her terribly. She wore soft slippers and even then had to cut a big hole in the uppers so they wouldn’t press on her bunions. My understanding is that there’s no cure for them except surgery.

    As for the embroidered shoe logo, I think it’s one pterodactyl holding another pterodactyl under its arm. WTF?

    One advantage of being a lesbian and a feminist is that I refuse to waste money on expensive beauty “products.” They are nothing but overpriced snake oil, in my opinion. I have spoken!

    1. Debra:
      I figured out the shoe logo. It’s a bad knock-off of a knock-off Polo logo. I don’t really know what good all my “product” does. OK, the moisturizers are great for my very dry skin. But I now have a shelf filled entirely with tubes and bottles. Maybe overkill.

  4. Other than the essentials like deodorant, in winter I do need a skin cream for dry skin.
    YEOW! on those coloured fabrics and designs!

    1. Anon:
      My biggest issue is the dry skin. The rest is probably overkill. Yeah, my eyes hurt when I saw some of those fabrics and combos.

  5. If it’s the little toe it’s actually a bunionette. 😊. I’m pretty sure it’s from wearing high heels 👠. 😊😊 Guy no. 3…socks with sandals…we know where he’s from. 😊😊😊

    1. Jssw:
      I knew those 6″ heels weren’t good for me. The price of vanity. And I I liked being 6’8″. That guy is from Seattle, correct?

  6. My understanding is that bunions are genetic, my mother had a bad case, eventually requiring surgery, one of my brothers has developed them as well. Mine developed 10-15 years ago but have remained pretty much under control; they have nor increased in size beyond their first development. If you have them on the outer side of the foot, that would be a bunionette (what a cute name) which is a sort of callous that develops from the foot being pushed to the outside by the presence of the bunion on the inner side–or so I’ve been told. I’ve now taken to wearing wide width shoes (not always easy to find) but they’ve helped my assorted foot problems immensely. Apparently my little tootsies are widening considerably in my dotage.

    1. wickedhamster:
      Neither of my parents had bunions. My mother wouldn’t allow it. This one “bunionette” caused no problems for more than 40 years. I keep getting wider and softer shoes, but it just gets worse. However, this silicon thing is a marvel. Too bad the sizing isn’t more realistic.

  7. PS: I used to wear contacts and apply under-eye serum (Clarins for Men, did wonders!) religiously. Once I retired, I fairly quickly stopped both. Apparently no longer in front of an audience teaching, my vanity dropped considerably.

  8. Those figures on your shoes is definitely not horses or other four leged animals 🙂 What they are doing ?? Just use your imagination 🤣

  9. Well I think I blogged about what I use before. I’m usually a cleanser toner moisturizer eye cream mask person. Pretty much everything I use for moisturizer cream eye cream and mask is Chanel. The toner cleanser…I swear by witch hazel.and my cleanser is from Burt’s Bee…a natural orange And rosemary cleanser.

    And I will admit to being a Barefoot person around the house. That said I am very picky about my feet. So much so that the last Lady that did my pedicure told me I had the prettiest ,best looking feet ever seen. And I despise slippers. I’ve gotten some of the gifts and refuse to wear them. Once a week, I soaked my feet do my nails and file any rough spots that may be starting. But outside of work I’m very seldom wear socks or shoes. I had a friend that’s a foot doctor and one reason a lot of people get issues is because they don’t air their feet out. Feet are not supposed to be in shoes and socks more time than not. By not airing them out causes a lot of bacterial issues. At least that’s what he told me.

    1. Mistress Borghese:
      Being diabetic, keeping the feet aired out (and dry) is definitely important. I used to love masks. They made SG laugh.

  10. A bunion “spreader”? What’s being spread? Maybe I don’t understand what a bunion is. I thought it was a bony bump. (So far I have avoided bunions, knock on wood.)

    I am not a product person at all. I just can’t be bothered. I use toothpaste, deodorant and bar soap and that’s pretty much it.

    1. Steve:
      The spreader separates the first two small toes. The bunion causes the smallest toe (the one that went to market) to lean into the toe next to it. The spreader straightens that out. And it really does work. The toes can apparently get really twisted as the result of a bunion (or a bunionette, as I’m told mine is called).

  11. Most of my younger years required Dr. Scholl products to lessen the discomfort of bunions and calluses. Not so now as I’m in good quality walking shoes and open toed Birkenstocks. If that first photo is a Rorschach test, I don’t know what it says about me but I clearly see a dinosaur walking carrying a captured deer in its arm.

  12. Full disclosure: I’ve had toenail fungus on a few toes on my left foot for many, many years. Perhaps because I am a peasant and like to run around barefoot (though not so much in New Mexico because it is not barefoot friendly, ouch!). Myth has it that the fungus is contagious. If that were so, wouldn’t the toes on my right foot (which share a shower and other environments) be infected after all these years? As for “products” – there seems to be no product that will cure toenail fungus (prescription drugs have a low cure rate and can affect the liver). I am a minimalist as far as products go…I think they promise the fountain of youth and happiness, but the results are questionable at best. Mostly a rip-off. I used to dye my hair after Leon mentioned that I had “more salt than pepper” but after a while the sink would be full of hair (I was also on a prescription med at the time, so that may have been the cause of my hair loss). Now my hair (I have a full complement of hair on my head and above my lip) is snow white. Leon wants me to grow it longer (I’m looking like I’m trying to be Caesar Romero). As for grooming in general: it seems to be more time consuming as one ages, but without any noticeable improvement.
    Now I’m thinking I should have done my own blog post about this topic.

    1. Frank:
      I’m glad there’s no fungus among us. The “product” I use makes me look at least 30 years younger… in my fun house mirror.

    1. Bob:
      My mother had some strange beliefs. We always took several vitamins a day (I remember a multi, D, C, B-complex, E), Overkill. But my uncle believed that’s why Dale and I were so tall. He was only 5’5″. So at the age of 45, he started taking all the same vitamins. Surprisingly, it didn’t work. Can you imagine?

  13. I’ve never worn make-up either because a) I never learned how to apply it, except for lipstick which my mother always wore, b) my father didn’t want his daughters to be “painted up like whorehouse doors”, c) I’m allergic to all brands except Clinique, and d) wearing it seemed too silly, given my profession as a biologist. Fortunately, I also inherited beautiful skin from my mother, so I never got acne and only occasional eczema from stress.

    However, I have always enjoyed higher quality hair, body wash and lotions for my sensitive skin such as Biolage, Beekman 1802, Clinique, Crabtree & Evelyn, Perlier (honey!) and L’Occitane 5% Shea face/hand cream.

    As for the weird shoe logo, it looked like two wrestling Plesiosaurs to me!

    And bunions are hereditary, but are also caused by prolonged wearing of shoes that are too tight or pointy, thus were more prevalent historically in women. Custom orthotic shoe inserts can help correct foot pronation, but severe bunions of the large toe require surgery to correct the misalignment. Non Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs (NSAIDs) can help ease the arthritic pain.

    1. Tundra Bunny:
      I had no idea whorehouse doors were painted up. I thought it was the whorehouse whores themselves. I’ll have to find a bunch of whorehouses and do a photo essay on their doors.

  14. I went to a podiatrist who turned out to be a psychiatrist. He said there was something terribly wrong with me my nose was running and my feet were smelling.

    1. Urspo:
      Oh, dear. You had me curious with that opening. As they said in New York, “You’re feet stink and they ain’t mates!”

  15. I don’t know what a bunion is. Google, here I come. I have more lotions and potions than I have room to store them. They are what keeps me youthful and beautiful.


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